How should men act when encountering women on the trail, especially solo hikers?

[HkNewman]

A little more on this from mostly women hikers experiences on the AT via the non-hiking website DailyBeast..

 

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-scariest-encounters-women-have-on-the-appalachian-trail-are-with-men?ref=home&fbclid=IwAR1NiUd59TWy4aRt0w8CkBlWY9RlG9cWgHR3uEOSOj6fSlTpvZiu76a2mpM

Seems the vast majority of the problem behaviors are of the stalking type  …

 

[Jacqueline K]

How awful. But a violent man (or woman) is a menance to both men and women. It is scarier for women because there is a better chance of a large man taking down crazy person than a woman.

[Robert R]

I’m not a long distance backpacker like the fine folks who tackle the AT, CDT and PCT or various other trails around the nation.  My trips entail fly fishing and therefore I’m backpacking into a region to fish a particular stretch of water normally targeting specific fish (native trout).  Most of the time I’m hiking around 10 miles in or less to get to areas that hold native fish.  I’m solo and ignore everyone.  I will go out of my way to avoid people.  I’ll find a campsite far away from others and hopefully one that is not easily spotted but I know this can’t happen in all areas especially in popular areas the further east you go.  That being said, inevitably, the river, stream or creek will get close to a trail and I’m usually being questioned if the fishing is good.  Good or bad it’s fishing, in the mountains in a stream.  It’s the experience.  My answers are a short yes or no (mostly no because these are my secret places and I want them to myself).  Heck, I don’t like being bothered even for a one or two minute conversation and I feel bad for women or men that would have to deal with a human stalker or predator on the trail in the wilderness.

 

Be careful out there.

[Jenny A]

Robert R, I am with you.  Sometimes it is necessary to camp in designated sites, but if not I also try to be as unobtrusive as possible.  In September I was looking for a spot to pitch my tent off a Forest Service road while I spent a couple of days fishing a lake in Wyoming.  I have camped in this area before.  I knew it was the start of hunting season and expected a few pickups to drive by, but I did not expect a truck to slow down when the occupants came upon my vehicle, stopped right where I was parked, get out and started walking.  There was a whole forest full of other places they could have parked.

I was just uncomfortable enough that I moved and opted to set up in a nearby FS campground.  It was worth the $10 a night and extra 1/2 hour of driving for the peace of mind, especially in these odd times.  This was a vacation and I didn’t need the stress of waking at every crack of a twig during the night.  The odds are good that nothing would have come of all of this had I stayed.  Glad it was relatively convenient to camp elsewhere.

[Robert R]

That is alarming especially in Wyoming where there is a great deal of space.  I’ve fished the region around the Yellowstone and Bridger Teton National forests.  There’s barely any restrictions nor a shortage of places to park on those FS roads.

[Jenny A]

I’m pretty sure the occupants of the truck had not seen me before I came out of the trees and drove off, so they probably didn’t know I was a gal.  Maybe it was the out-of-state license plate that caught their attention and I was infringing on their hunting grounds, I dunno.  Just easier to leave rather than play hide ‘n seek.

[Eric Blumensaadt]

MEN’S DONT’S WHEN MEETING WOMEN ON THE TRAIL:

1.Don’t act in an over-friendly manner (it’s certain to create apprehension)

2.Don’t act in a patronizing or condescending manner (they can probably out-hike you anyway)

3.Don’t offer help or “advice” if it isn’t asked for (“Mansplainin’ ” is offensive)

4.Don’t tent too close to ladies’ tents unless it’s unavoidable (and then apologize and explain that it’s the only space left)

DO:

1. R. E. S. P. E. C. T. – Like the song says, it’s the thing to do.

This advice is from a man who has been married 52 years, has two daughters and has learned a “few” things about living with women – in peace.

[Jacqueline K]

Eric, thank you! I don’t think your recommendation can be improved upon.

 

[Kattt]

^^^ Actually the women here have already spoken out on this all on our own..

[Nick Gatel]

Actually the women here have already spoken out on this all on our own..

Thank you. I think this was the whole point of the thread.

[bradmacmt]

How should men act when encountering women on the trail, especially solo hikers?

An actual and aware gentleman doesn’t need to be taught how to interact with a woman, single or otherwise. If you do, you’re probably not a gentleman.

Carry on…

[Dena Kelley]

As a woman solo hiker, frankly what makes me most comfortable is a brief greeting and the man moving on. And if he’s moving in the same direction as I am, I’d prefer he either hiked faster than me, or I can stop so he can get a bit ahead, but not hike at the same pace as me. If a man starts hiking the same pace as me so that we’re practically hiking together, that can make me a bit nervous.

Perhaps the most disturbing comment here was the one about the guy sizing up the woman’s behavior to determine if she’s “into him”. No, just no. Please do not go out on the trail like it’s a Tinder App. I should be able to be friendly to a guy without him jumping to the conclusion that I’m into him. This is the very attitude that would make me not interact with men on the trail in any fashion.

[Monte Masterson]

I respect your point of view Dena, but some (mostly younger) women might be open to meeting a nice guy, whether it’s at work, the grocery store, a bar, on the trail or wherever.Of course no guy should jump to conclusions just because a woman on the trail stops to talk, and no man should ever make unwanted advances, however, some single women actually do like guys and they might want the man to make the next move. Boys and girls still do get together, it’s only natural. I wouldn’t want to pass judgement on anyone just because they don’t adhere to my brand of puritan values. Remember that Millennials and Gen Zer’s aren’t into traditional relationships near as much and they’re a lot more likely to embrace hookup culture.

I’ve been single my whole life and I’m getting old now, but back in the day I lived by pickup. I know that makes me a dog in many people’s eyes and BPL has its share of self-righteous shaming talk, but I don’t care. Anyway, I learned a long time ago that body language means EVERYTHING. The most important indicator of attraction is how close a woman gets into a guy’s personal space. If she advances within 2 feet and stays there without backing up for ten minutes or more and smiles in a submissive manner, your chances are good. And then if she starts preening (playing with her hair) your chances have now gone up to about 98%.

I was just an average guy, never was a stud by any means, but I had game. If you’re a man who’s always been awkward with women and has basically been unsuccessful your whole life, then sure, you’re going to see any move a guy makes toward women as being an unwanted advance.There’s always going to be creepy guys who make women feel uncomfortable, however, that doesn’t mean that all men should stop asking women out.

Back to the trail. If you’re a young guy who is out day hiking or whatever, and you come across a woman you deem desirable and she is making herself available, and you don’t make a move, you are cowardly beta-male who deserves to be friendzoned.

Readers should have fun with this one. There’s always enough self-righteous moral crusaders who live to dish out the shaming language. They’re what Elvis called “frustrated old types.”

[Murali C]

I think lots of folks “hook” up on the trail – especially the long ones. Monte – I don’t think there is anything wrong with trying. And you sound like a guy who will do it respectfully. So – all the power to you – I enjoyed reading your reply:-)

Dena – make sure you stand 3 feet away and whatever you do  – do not touch your hair:-)

[AK Granola]

Who is doing the self-righteous shaming Monte?! cowardly beta male indeed. Don’t worry guys; nice guys do NOT finish last.

I managed to get together with my husband on hiking dates, without having to be “submissive,” or play with my hair. How about open and direct communication that doesn’t require old cliches? Sheesh. Not seeing a lot of “respect” showing there. But if you’re stuck in a playbook from 1955, I guess that’s all you know.

I’m with you Dena!

[Kattt]

Lol

Plenty of women don’t fit that type but enough of them do; this has come up when talking to a couple girlfriends of mine a few weeks ago  and it’s real- let’s not pretend it isn’t. We are not all the same…just like the guys.

[Paul Wagner]

Thank you, Karen.  That needed to be said!

[jscott]

Monte…I know your type (since you see women that way). there’s hundreds of women who’ve walked away from you laughing at your obvious bumbling OR muttering “creep!”…and you’re oblivious. You think you know all the signs. I know that you’re missing out on all the ones telling you to stop already. You’ve done that twice so far in this thread. some men see what they want to see and nothing else. You seem sure that you’re quite the expert. I read all of your signs and see a guy who’s full of himself. It’s ridiculous and off-putting and obvious malarkey. I feel bad for all the solo women hikers you’ve hit on on the trail who had to walk away worrying that the next full of himself creep who hits on everything in sight will be one step worse than you…

I’m not saying you’re a creep. I’m saying you must come off that way to a lot of solo women who really aren’t looking for your advances. That’s not why they’re out there, despite your little mind set.

[AK Granola]

I’m sure plenty of women are interested in meeting men on a long trail; it’s a whole group party vibe that doesn’t interest me. I doubt hooking up with stinky hikers would have appealed to me at age 20 either, but to each their own! Getting herpes has never been on my list of life goals.

But at the first sign of “no” – guys, back off! Some men don’t know what “no” is – an age-old problem. As the Beast article indicates, it is a problem on the trail.

I actually find it much easier to be friendly and visit with men from younger generations. They probably see me as a motherly or auntie figure, and therefore the interaction is easy and non-threatening for both. I also feel more comfortable chatting with men who are obviously traveling with their spouses/girl friends.

My kids tell me I’m a “creep magnet” for older men, so when alone I tend to avoid them. I was kayaking with my older son one day, and as we were getting ready to put in on a lake, an older guy, 60s, came over and started talking to me. I spoke only briefly in response – trying to get everything together and not forget anything, no time for conversation. I said things like “I need to get packed up now” “gotta go” and a few other phrases that you would think would end the conversation, hint hint, but no. Eventually my son came and literally stood in between and that finally got the guy to back off. At no time was I afraid, just annoyed.  Of course my son was protective, and he immediately saw what was going on, I didn’t, I just thought he was annoying and clueless. “Why was that old dude hitting on you?!” I’m kind of dense about these things. lol

So there’s pushy jerks who don’t back off, but there are also real creeps, there’s one living up the street. I would say mildly psychotic puts it about right. Do not engage, at all. You just have to spot them ahead of time, which can be difficult.

[Dan]

So there’s pushy jerks who don’t back off, but there are also real creeps, there’s one living up the street. I would say mildly psychotic puts it about right. Do not engage, at all. You just have to spot them ahead of time, which can be difficult.

Monte lives on your street?  :-)

[Kattt]

Exactly, men can be jerks or wonderful respectful guys and/or everything else. Women vary too.

@Paul thanks!!

[Kattt]

And to make it clear for those confused….I am the type that scared people off even when I thought I was being neutral to friendly. But I am not offended by someone mentioning the existence of women that are out looking for an encounter and act certain ways and, maybe more importantly, I don’t think we ought to shame the women that are.

 

All this said, the default should be to assume we are out hiking and don’t want to be pestered.

[bradmacmt]

Monte…I know your type (since you see women that way). there’s hundreds of women who’ve walked away from you laughing at your obvious bumbling OR muttering “creep!”…and you’re oblivious. You think you know all the signs. I know that you’re missing out on all the ones telling you to stop already. You’ve done that twice so far in this thread. some men see what they want to see and nothing else. You seem sure that you’re quite the expert. I read all of your signs and see a guy who’s full of himself. It’s ridiculous and off-putting and obvious malarkey. I feel bad for all the solo women hikers you’ve hit on on the trail who had to walk away worrying that the next full of himself creep who hits on everything in sight will be one step worse than you…

I’m not saying you’re a creep. I’m saying you must come off that way to a lot of solo women who really aren’t looking for your advances. That’s not why they’re out there, despite your little mind set.

Thank you.

 

[bjc]

Ok, I’m a guy and now I’m getting creeped out!😳

[jscott]

Well in hindsight I went over the top. I don’t know Monte; I’m sure he’s a fine person and no threat to anyone on the trail. It’s just, his ‘tips on hitting on chicks on the trail’ struck me as off-key given the thread topic. Maybe this is my issue. Apologies for being so judgmental.

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