How should men act when encountering women on the trail, especially solo hikers?

[Jan C]

Glad to hear it, thank you. This thread (and forum) has otherwise been a good read.

[bjc]

Sorry Jan and thanks Matthew. Saw it in my email and just was coming on to report it. Even
Embarrassing.

[Megan W]

Late entry to the conversation here.

David, I agree with your points and the reason for your post.

I am a 56 year old woman and have bushwalked (not hiking, I am an Australian!) solo and in company since I was 17. I am not afraid of my shadow and I doubt that any of the women who have contributed to this conversation or hike alone are. For me, the truth is that being careful of unknown men is part of life.

M. B. I do not agree with your points. My brother, my father, my husband- all lovely, trustworthy human beings (who happen to be male) – do not engage in the same level of wary alertness that i and many women/girls do when alone with unknown members of the opposite sex. And they have not had the same ‘casual’ threatening experiences throughout their lives which make that wariness valid and necessary. This is not ‘scared of our shadows’!

Why is ‘going out of your way’ to be considerate of another person’s perspective? When you are the person with the most power in a situation, you inherently are the most threatening person (whatever your intentions) and (in my opinion)  you bear the greatest responsibility for helping the other person to feel safe. For example, I am the more powerful in relation to my patients and it is my responsibility to do what I can to help them feel safe and in control.

I choose my solo walks carefully so I am unlikely to meet anyone. And I think that fellow walkers and wilderness lovers are likely to be trustworthy. And I greatly appreciate the men I do meet who give me a friendly smile, don’t stand really close, don’t walk too close behind(and who thank me and move quickly on when I stand aside to let them pass).

Similar to others, I don’t like to be asked where I am going, I don’t mind being asked where I have been. And I enjoy any walker enthusiastically sharing where they have just been, what they have seen and ” the scrub was the worst ever etc etc”. I like space and privacy around my tent (not hard in Tasmanian off track!)

David, thank you for thinking about the experiences of women, and thank you for asking for ideas about what would be helpful.

Cheers

Megan

[David Gardner]

It seems this thread and the question posed are still as relevant today as 3 years ago, if the recent activity is any indication. History would suggest it will always be so, but to shamelessly plagiarize, hopefully the arc of the universe bends toward something better. [attribution]

Thank you Matthew for deleting that post. I can see it in my email update on this thread and it got what it deserved. I have to ask: is this not the same individual who posted the first reply to my original post 3 years ago, which was also deleted?

Megan, it’s the least I can do, for my daughters, the women in my life, and for people in general to try and be on the same wavelength and make a better world. Although I speak only for myself, I believe this community hears, appreciates, and is grateful for the input from the women that contribute to this thread, and is encouraged by their strength and determination.

And the same for the good men that get it and contribute, who hold themselves and other men accountable. “Real men” respect and protect others. Mic drop.

[Matthew / BPL]

BPL values the privacy of our members. We do not make a habit of discussing individual moderation actions in reference to specific members. Also, I have no recollection of the moderation that happened back in 2020, that feels like ten years ago to me now.

[David Gardner]

Roger that. Understood.

[Jerry Adams]

Whenever I pass a woman now this thread comes to mind

Another error I could possibly do is “mansplain” something although I’m sensitive enough to usually avoid this.  For that matter I usually avoid mansplaining to a man

[jscott]

I always have to bite my tongue when I see anyone, man or woman,  with their trekking poles way too short. Often this happens with someone elderly (my age or older) and I really, really, want to suggest trying a 45% angle. I don’t. Unless we happen to have a conversation and I work it in, subtly…(“you’re doing it wrong, M’am”…).

[Jerry Adams]

unsolicited advice is a bad idea

[AK Granola]

The other thing about unsolicited advice is that you could be wrong. Trekking poles – perhaps someone has an injured shoulder, hand, etc. that has them using the poles a different way that is more comfortable. While it might not be optimal for hiking efficiency, it might be all they can do. Or like me, I hate adjusting them so I keep them at tent height all the time. I might not get full momentum that way, but tbh, who cares? They are meeting the need I have. Folks with lots of experience assume their way is right, but we wouldn’t have a forum if that were the case. See posts on tents, stoves, poles, shoes – omg the shoes discussions. Anyone know what the most common post on BPL is? gotta be shoes.

You don’t know anything about the people you encounter so offering unsolicited advice is presumptuous. If you are talking with someone (man or woman or you-don’t-know) and they are complaining about say, how heavy their pack is,  you could offer some gentle advice in the form of a question. “have you thought about sending some things home?” or maybe “would you like to know how I minimize my pack weight?” Then they can simply answer no and that’s fine. Or maybe they really would like some help. Again, regardless of gender. Giving them the open chance to walk away from the discussion while also giving the offer of help is truly gracious.

Are you more likely to offer unsolicited advice to someone you think is female? Just something to ponder.

[Glen L]

Women make up a large percentage of hikers here and there are days when we see groups of women both young groups and much older and more mature. Lots of female solos. Many are hard core hikers l treat them like anyone else. If the trail is steep, rocky and narrow which is usually the case I step aside a little off the trail and just say hi. Usually they simply say hi back and a thanks for giving the right of way and then I say welcome and we all go our merry way. Trail etiquette here is uphill has the right of way but I step aside for the downhillers too. A couple weeks ago a female solo had her back up against a boulder and had ahold of her foot so I did inquire if she was alright and she said no problem it was just a foot cramp and then she added you know how that goes.

As for giving advice I never do unless asked as in navigation or such and that does happen. Now that the temps have cooled we have a lot of turons down on the lower trails so we mostly see them on our way out. You wanna give advice to tourons you’ll be there all day long.

[Jerry Adams]

Yeah, what works for me may not work for someone else.

I mostly avoid unsolicited advice but I probably more often offer it to women.  I am imperfect : )

I am slower than I used to be especially going up hill.  Once I was most of the way to the top.  Passed some people coming down.  I made some joke about “are we there yet?”.  The people assumed that was a solicitation for advice and reassured me I was almost there.  Very kind.  Okay, my bad for making a joke.  I just graciously accepted there encouragement.

[jscott]

In my defense (for even imagining giving advice)…the elderly folks I had in mind are using their poles to prevent falls, and to aid stability. Having the tops of their poles set below their hips is almost useless for this. However, yes, there may be other issues involved, so I keep my mouth shut, for once in my life. As my father used to tell my mother.

One doesn’t know what one doesn’t know. That is, ya can’t ask about an issue that you don’t know is going on. Still, we appreciate doctors pointing out potentially cancerous spots on the skin of their patients, for example, who didn’t ask for their advice. And so on.

Preventing falls in the elderly is super important. One fall can be a major game changer. In most cases, seniors are using hiking poles exactly for that reason. Improper usage makes them near useless. That’s why I’m so tempted to intervene.

I’m mostly speaking about around towners, not backpackers.

 

[Paul Wagner]

Thank you to Megn for this wonderful paragraph: “Why is ‘going out of your way’ to be considerate of another person’s perspective? When you are the person with the most power in a situation, you inherently are the most threatening person (whatever your intentions) and (in my opinion)  you bear the greatest responsibility for helping the other person to feel safe. For example, I am the more powerful in relation to my patients and it is my responsibility to do what I can to help them feel safe and in control.”

Seems like that pretty much covers it all, doesn’t it?  And it only took eight pages for us to get there!

Meanwhile, a shout out to the other UCSC banana slugs who participate here.

[Megan W]

Thanks Paul :)

[jscott]

“Meanwhile, a shout out to the other UCSC banana slugs who participate here”

Banana slugs rule!!

Fear the slime.

[Stuart Doddy]

I have walked many miles in GB, Europe the US and Canada. Good for both Genders to learn some self defence techniques before taking on a long hike; skills unlikely to be used but gives some self confidence. more dangers in Towns than on the Trail. Never ask where people are they are going; especially which shelter they are heading for to sleep. On the AT I walked for hundreds of miles with a small group; had meals and trips into town with them. I walked with them but we mostly we chose our own campsites. Unless it was raining I rarely slept in Shelters; too many early/late comings and goings for a good rest.

If uneasy with anyone I would have a loo/drinks break to lose them. If I walked with someone during the day, male or female, I would make it clear I was going to tent alone and also would not join other peoples camp positions. Often I would share an evening meal site but then move on/back to my stealth camp.

Especially on the JMT I would choose my shelter site beforehand and mark it with twig/rock arrow, or bandana, then have a meal with trail buddie(s) before returning to my stealth camp a little distance back. I also collected a few small rocks to have at the side of my bivvy bag to hurl at bears if necessary; I never had to use any on bears but in Germany on a campsite I had noisy Peacock in a tree which I threw stones at; I never wanted, or was  likely to hit it.

 

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