Trail etiquette question

Well, you are assuming that they are employed.  My 2 cents.

I think the question would be inappropriate if early on the two of you were in a situation where a potential romance or relationship might develop. For example, let’s say you were at Starbucks, the grocery or a bar and some guy sparks up a conversation with you and it’s obvious he’s interested in you. Then right away you ask “so what do you do?” In that context it might make you seem shallow or like a gold digger who disqualifies a guy who’s not a high earner. Otherwise the question isn’t bad, yet it’s something I wouldn’t ask anyone unless they choose to divulge it first. On a scale or 1 to 5 on the inappropriate scale, I’d give the question about a 1.

I find that many people nowadays get bent out of shape easily over things which seem benign. A lot of prickly pears these days and I watch my p’s and q’s because people get offended over words which seems like nothing. I’m a political moderate, but I believe you can thank our current hyper-woke culture for making Americans so thin skinned.

One of the reasons I like hiking is to get away from work. I like my job, but not enough to want to think about it while I’m in the woods.

Another way could be to rephrase the question…

“Between work and family, it’s a struggle for me to find three weeks where I can disappear to do a hike like this – do you have any suggestions with what works for you?”

An open-ended question like that allows the respondents to easily choose what part of their personal lives they want to share.  People love to give advice!

This is why I prefer solitude

(90% humor)

Cultural misunderstandings run both ways.    Trail or not.

The person questioned has just as much an obligation to allow for variance in culture as you do.

Seems like they are putting the burden on you while gratuitously taking “offence.”

Seems like a totally natural and normal question to me. Some people are just strange and get offended by unexpected things.

I see no issue in the situation as presented.

Naturally, I don’t know the fine details, but from what I’m reading: you participated in a conversation that was already in progress, on a subject that was already being discussed…from which you were being partially excluded due to a lack of information.  Has that part of the situation been addressed, yet?  I ask, because that’s what was happening by default: as you stated, you asked what someone did for a living…indicating that there was a major portion of the conversational context that you were missing, beforehand.  Asking for that information in order to be more included and aware of the situation is in no way improper or impolite; that’s a very natural, responsible and reasonable act, and especially so in the situation you describe.

In American culture, such questions do not indicate avarice or over-familiarity, by default; rather, they are most often a way to understand what someone does with 8+ hours of their days, which is part of human curiosity and connection.

tl;dr, you’re fine, don’t worry, feel free to ask when appropriate.

This is why I prefer solitude

(90% humor)

Jerry may be joking, but I cannot count the number of times I have regretted deciding to briefly speak to someone I pass on the trail, or the river.  Usually it was something as benign as “great day to be hiking”.  I have learned the hard way that can be an opening to an awkward, sometimes scary conversation.  One from which it can be difficult to extricate oneself.  One fellow in particular followed me down the trail continuing to “talk at me”, regardless of the fact that I was headed the way he had just come.  Granted it’s really a matter of evaluating the situation before acting.  Solo hikers I nod and keep quiet.  I may choose to speak with a couple , particularly if they initiate.  A group (depending on the demographic of the members) is often a safer bet.  However as the OP discovered, a group is not necessarily made up of like minded individuals.

Normally I choose to just nod and keep moving.  I don’t want to fall into stereotyping, but there are a lot of loners and odd ducks out there…heck some may find me be one of them.  Nonetheless I find it best to keep on keeping on, mind my own business and remember why I hike solo.

If we are ingaged in (friendly) conversation and I offend you, please by all means refrain from talking to me and feel free to leave me alone, weather on the trail, at work, or out on the streets.  Society is soft and some people need to get thicker skin. I would never intentionally put someone down, but if you get offended easily, then its best we do not associate. So, no I dont think asking someone that question would be offensive, especially if that is part of the conversation..

There can never be a hard-and-fast answer to a question like this – it depends on context.

If I was with a group of scruffy kids who might be embarrassed about being unemployed or flipping burgers or drawing on the Bank of Mum and Dad then employment is probably an area I would avoid.

If I’m with a party who seem mature and prosperous and we’re talking about worldly affairs it’s something I might raise if it felt right. After all people spend much of their life at work and they are often very interesting about their field – I’ve learned a lot from people I’ve met on the trail.

But it’s the kind of question I would raise in a circumspect way, because as MJH points out above, not everyone wants to think about work on the trail so you need to leave them an easy way to decline.

As for avoiding greeting people on the trail or on the water, as JCH advises, that has not been my experience at all (though most of my walking has been in Europe). I’ve had nothing but positive encounters.

More than once I’ve enjoyed generous hospitality in people’s homes as a result of striking up a conversation – it’s a great way to experience the local culture.

On other occasions they have passed on useful information such as avalanche risk, difficult river crossings and the like.

Occasionally you’ll pass someone with a scary vibe and simply press on with a smile, but so far my instincts have kept me safe.

Having said that, I’m a guy of a “certain age”. If you’re a young and attractive woman your experience may vary – especially if you are walking solo.

Totally harmless question. It is a great question to ask as you encounter lots of interesting people. There was a guy on JMT who told me he house sits for a living – people ask him to stay in their multi-million dollar houses to look after the house, plants, pets etc while they are gone. Just today, I met a guy on the trail and talking with him, he said, he had been a newspaper man for 22 years, taught journalism/history for 27 years, retired and took two “semester-at-sea” cruises where you tavel to various countries while teaching history to students. He was teaching about Vietnam war as they docked to visit Vietnam etc. Met so many interesting people with interesting stories. So much fun to talk to people. You never know – someone’s story may inspire you or you may inspire someone with your story.

Definitely not impolite.

Maybe his awkward glance around at the other hikers was because he was a spy, and he could tell you were on to his story.

BTW what was his answer?

Not an impolite Q, IMO, as a 5th-gen Californian.

My theory: He was a human (or animal) sex trafficker, meth cooker, or telemarketer, didn’t want to be outed as scum, and resented having to come up with a fake answer.

If someone is bothered by what they do (for its injustices, tedium or low compensation), that’s on them, not on you.  Maybe he’ll do something after his hike to realign his life so the topic of work isn’t so unpleasant for him.

I agree with those who say it was not impolite, not even an issue. But then I’m known for asking questions that others think I shouldn’t be asking, so there’s that (I was an Army journalist for a lot of years, so I was used to asking probing questions depending on the story).

Great topic…I’ve had people look at me sideways for asking that question…I think it’s perfectly fine to ask.

 Jerry may be joking, but I cannot count the number of times I have regretted deciding to briefly speak to someone I pass on the trail, or the river.

I’ve been thinking about this for a bit, now, and I can’t overstate how different it is from my own experiences.  I don’t usually see many people when I’m out hiking, but when I do, I always try to be agreeable, affable and approachable; for the most part, people return that attitude.  I try to greet everyone that I pass with a pleasant “Good morning” or “Hello” at a minimum; most people smile and return the greeting as they move on.  Sometimes we slow or stop for a moment and exchange a pleasantry; sometimes they ask for directions or we share trail condition info…and the further I get from the sunny-days/three-season crowd, the more important those stop-and-share moments become.  I don’t mean this to sound harsh – truly, I don’t – but it’s the hikers that pass silently, or whom barely respond/regard, that worry me: clearly, they want to be left alone, and I respect that, but it concerns me.

I’m very happy to hear that a lot of people have not had similar experiences to me.  To clarify, I am not anti-social when meeting someone on the trail, nor am I a negative person…I have simply learned to evaluate the situation quickly and not assume that everyone is someone I want to interact with.  Maybe it’s where I hike…maybe it’s bad luck?

I have run into MANY people on the trail who were fun, interesting and whose company I enjoyed.  I also have learned from those people, and they from me.  I have had, and I expect I will have, many good experiences.  I’m just saying don’t assume everyone is pleasant, honest and has your best interests in mind.

Another take on this, and its quite possible I am misreading the situation described, perhaps he was taken aback because you singled him out of the group of people. He was perhaps not so much offended but trying to figure out why you were, in particular, trying to get information about him. Perhaps posing the question more generally to the group as a whole would be met more positively. “What do the rest of you all (or y’all or yous depending on your vernacular) do for a living? It must be hard balancing a job with hiking a long trail.” The alternative, as mentioned above, is that he felt insecure about sharing his job with a stranger (illegal, unethical, nonexistent, or he feels his job is below him).

maybe he was a chip & dale dancer:-)

Ben, from what I read in the first post, AK asked another person about the job; the question wasn’t posed directly to the person.  I gleaned that from this portion:

One person was talking about his job, so during a pause I asked someone else what he did for a living.

That’s one of many reasons that I was confused about why the person got possibly offended.

maybe he was a chip & dale dancer:-)

If I had a figure that was acceptable for exotic dancing, I wouldn’t be shy about it…but that’s just me; regardless, I don’t see that as being a career for anyone to be embarrassed about.  Most of the dancers that I know are pretty open about it.

@Bonzo, I don’t think that is how most people in the thread are interpreting the OP’s question. My understanding is that she asked someone about their own job, not about the job of the other person who was talking.

Of course, I still think it’s a totally normal and natural question to ask in either case, and better than asking someone what they used to do before they retired, which is a question I’ve been asked a few times in recent years.  :-)

Maybe so, Dan; I interpreted the “his” and “he” to refer to one individual, and “someone else” to be a second individual, to whom AK was inquiring in regards to the first.  I didn’t assign the “he” to that second person, since there was no gender indicated from “someone else.” Either way, I agree with you: it’s still a very acceptable question in a group discussion about work/employment.

Not an impolite question at all and one I hear all the time on and off the trail. Maybe you just misread his body language?