Trail etiquette question

It’s a simple get to know you question.  No harm done.

His reaction indicates (to me) that there is a back story that you don’t know about nor could you know about.

> This summer when I was on the TRT, I was sitting at camp one night with a few other hikers. One person was talking about his job, so during a pause I asked someone else what he did for a living.

Without more context…if that someone else was me and we hadn’t been introduced or talked yet, and someone suddenly turned to me without any prior introduction and asked straight out of the blue: “what do you do for a living?” I might react the same way. I would probably say, “hi, my name is Mark, and you are?” But if we had already exchanged words, talked around the fire, then I’d be completely comfortable with replying.

I was raised to introduce myself to another person before asking their name or other things. I still get surprised when someone approaches me and says, “what’s your name?” This happened just a week or so ago. Sometimes I say, “and you are?” or even tell them, “always offer your name before asking someone else theirs.” I think that’s proper etiquette.

In recent years I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut on a trail. More often than not, if I offer a greeting to someone they either have earbuds in anyway, or frown at me for disturbing their solitude, and often they will ignore me and keep going. I respect that. I live alone, so I have ample time for solitude. If people’s only solitude is on the trail, I try to let them have it. So I will just glance their way and smile, and if there is receptivity for more, I’ll get social. I enjoy meeting people but leave a lot of space.

It has been many years since I’ve been on BPL. All of you seem to know one another, you call each other by your actual names. I have only the little monikers that people use. So I find that a touch awkward and it makes me reluctant to post. My moniker is my real world name, and I always sign off with it too.

Mark

All of you seem to know one another, you call each other by your actual names. I have only the little monikers that people use. So I find that a touch awkward and it makes me reluctant to post.

I don’t like hearing that someone does not feel included, or that a sense of welcome doesn’t extend to them.  If it makes any difference for you to know: I keep the details of my life very private, and the vast majority of the members here have respected that while still working to help me feel included.  Very few even know my name, and none have hiked with me, climbed with me, or even met me…but my privacy and input have been very well accepted, nonetheless.  As such, I would encourage you to post more; the input of all parties is much appreciated, even when we don’t always agree with each other…which is, after all, the essence and point of a forum.

Would you feel more included if I ask you what you do for a living? 😉

> Would you feel more included if I ask you what you do for a living?

Haha! I’m a retired software engineer.

I meant simply that sometimes people are responded to with, ‘Hi Sue, I think..” etc. And I wonder, “how do they know their name?” I’m completely fine with anonymity.

I use my real name but get some anonymity from how common it is.

Is there a bit of privilege involved when assuming people define themselves by their job and/or have one they can brag about?  It’s a bit more fun to reply, “I’m in charge of renewable energy development, President of several utilities, and a Director of the newest Electric Reliability Organization in the country” or, formerly, “I clean up toxic-waste sites” than “I stock shelves at Walmart on the graveyard shift” or “my anxiety disorder keeps me at home, curled up in bed most of the time”.

It is a bit of an Americanism to ask about one’s job.  I do it, but I note that in Europe, the conversation goes to or even starts at your hobbies – road biking, rock climbing, whatever.

I attended a party in NYC (a very work-focused place) and the ice breaker was to pair up and learn enough about the other person to introduce them to the entire group WITHOUT asking discussing anything about their job.  I delivered a detailed and quite insightful description of Brenda who was standing next to me, because we’ve known each other since 1964.  But for the other people in the room, it was an interesting twist on the usual American introductory spiel.  And isn’t “a problem solver” or “a compassionate caring person” more positive than “accountant” or “housekeeper at the nursing home”?

The OP stated that the guy she asked was from California. Well keep in mind that a lot of weed is grown in California, I mean a whole lot. Yes there is the hay that’s grown for legal recreational and medicinal sales, but much much more is grown for the illegal market, a lion’s share of which gets trucked out to other states. We’re talking billions of dollars. Was the guy from Humbolt County by the way?

As usual my opinion is a little different than that of the majority here. I think early on in a conversation it’s a bit nosey to ask someone what they do for a living. As I stated earlier, I always let the person divulge the information first. Not that it’s a big deal, but it’s something I never ask anyone for quite awhile. I figure if they want me to know they will tell me.

I do tend to ask people I meet on the trail where they’re from though.

Bonzo, I love your response. Thanks for posting that. 🙂

I’ve written and then not posted many responses to this thread.

I like asking (interesting) people about what they do because they usually do interesting things. I like people and I’m genuinely curious about most people I meet. I’m not trying to establish social standing.

I can’t recall the last time someone took offense to the question. Maybe I’m asking it appropriately or I have good radar about who to ask? Or maybe I’m not noticing their offense?

I hadn’t thought about the possibility that the man’s profession might be in marijuana or another related enterprise that he wouldn’t want to discuss. He did say he was in general contracting, so I think that wasn’t the issue, but it sure could be in a given situation. We were sitting together and several others were discussing their jobs (or lack thereof) so it seemed normal to me. I might have indeed misread the reaction. But given the variety of responses here, I might not be direct with that question again!  I like the idea of discussing hobbies. Maybe I’ll stick to that!

I like the idea of discussing hobbies. Maybe I’ll stick to that!

On that note, I’d like to expand upon the following:

It is a bit of an Americanism to ask about one’s job. I do it, but I note that in Europe, the conversation goes to or even starts at your hobbies – road biking, rock climbing, whatever.

This is so completely true; to answer “what is it that you do?” with your employment is a confusing answer in most of Europe; there, the answer to that question really does focus on your hobbies, pursuits, interests and goals.  It’s okay to talk about the job, but most people don’t care so much about that; eventually, I learned to say “I’m an artist; I mostly work with film” because even responding with “I’m a photographer” created the illusion of a professional photographic career.  Eventually I would get asked “Do you work?” or “What kind of work do you do?”…but always, this was a conversational afterthought.