Personally, I'm holding out for the "Pooper Pants", with a super-slick silnylon chute inside that slopes downward to the back, and has an elastic back-door. Just grab the sides of your pants and pull them forward, the elastic opening in back opens up automatically, and you can do #2 without dropping your pants, keeping (most) of your posterior warm. Mind you, with an elastic opening, wiping could be problematic, so no light colored fabrics for this gear.
You'll be able to do #2 so fast, your buddies won't believe "YOU" did it, and you can tell them whatever story you want. "Man, you just missed seeing a Haggis! If only you'd been here 30 seconds sooner, you would've seen it. See….Look what he left…" Watching your buddies stare at it for 5 minutes is gonna be priceless….
Of course, proper LNT ethics compels us NOT to do this ON THE TRAIL!.