It’s hard, perhaps impossible, to find the perfect off-the-shelf backpack. If one knows exactly what they want then a custom made pack from a reputable pack maker is often the only solution, or make it yourself if you have the skills and equipment.
There are four things I look for in a pack:
- fit
- does the frame transfer the weight to my hips with the max load I intend to carry
- is it comfortable
- is it easy to live out of
It sounds like your dissatisfaction is all in category 4. Now sometimes #4 is minor irritations that can easily be remedied and other times it means the pack won’t work. For example, 10 years ago I bought a pack from a well known cottage manufacturer. A Platypus one-liter bottle would not stay in the water pocket — it kept falling out. I contacted the manufacturer who acknowledged my complaint was a common problem. I offered to pay to have the pockets replaced with taller material and he told me to buy new water bottles. So I gave the pack away since it had a couple other irritating features and I didn’t like how the conversation went. It was a frameless pack so excellent fit, load carrying capacity, and comfort weren’t something that was going to happen anyway and I realized that, for me, a frameless pack wasn’t going to do the job on most of my trips.
So let’s consider your dilemma
– cant reach water bottles in side pocket while carrying pack. I can reach perfectly with my arc haul, but there’s just no way with the hmg. What do you guys do?
– the Velcro is so abrasive. It was grabbing onto my t-shirt nonstop as I’m packing the pack at home. Has anyone thought about removing it completely? It’s a roll top, so not having a Velcro wouldn’t change anything right?
– the stiffness of the pack. Arc haul’s gridstop is pretty soft, but DCF on the HMG is super stiff. Does this loosen up over time? I feel like I’m using a paper bag.
Can’t reach the water bottle while wearing the pack
For 40 years I hiked with packs that did not have “water pockets” so I find this feature of minimal value (that’s my opinion of course). I’m okay to stop once every hour or two and take off my pack to drink. Actually my two go-to packs have well designed water bottle pockets. The smaller pack, a McHale Bump, is harder to reach back when traveling because it is a narrow pack. I can reach pack and retrieve a bottle, but I can’t put it back. However, the pocket is adjustable and I could set it up to work, but it isn’t a feature I need. My McHale LBP 36 is easy to retrieve and return a bottle, but I almost always stop and take the pack off to drink. I have a feeling your pack cannot be fixed to grab the bottle unless you change bottles or do something about pocket itself. If this is the only unsolvable problem, perhaps it isn’t that big a deal?
the Velcro is so abrasive
That  would drive me nuts. I hate velcro closures and prefer a drawstring. Not only the irritation of Velcro catching on stuff, but it gets dirty and eventually fails. I would remove it and sew in a drawstring if you need something to replace the Velcro. Can the top just be rolled over and secured without the Velcro. If a drawstring would fix it, that upgrade shouldn’t be a big deal even for an idiot like me who can barely sew.
the stiffness of the pack
The DCF will soften up a little over time. Is your concern durability or something else? I don’t see how this would affect its use and the material is pretty robust. To me a non-issue.
So bottom line, assuming `#1 – #3 criteria fits your needs, the only BIG issue I see is the water bottle access. If a different bottle would work, then great, switch. If that doesn’t solve the problem, then how important is this feature versus everything else?