Going the Distance: How to Maintain a Relationship While Backpacking

Our solution is very simple. We, my wife and I, have always gone together, even on 3-month long trips overseas. And nearly always just the two of us. It’s a different approach maybe.

Cheers

This was a good read; I am somewhat surprised there has not been an article on this before on BPL ( or has there?). I didn’t read it because this is an issue for me; I have talked to several backpackers whose long time away from home has caused problems up to the end of a marriage.  I think there are some really useful tips for backpackers whose partners struggle with one being gone for long periods of time. One thing I noticed is that it seems like this is about making it up to the partner to keep them happy/loved and all those valuable things- as if only one person is missing the relationship, which I am sure is not the case for the author. I imagine the partner at home would be more keen to go along with the extended separations if they felt/knew that the adventurer out there was affected by the separation too, if it didn’t feel like the one gone is coming around just enough to replenish the needy partner before heading out again.
So maybe let them know you missed them too and could not wait to have them in your arms again, for you, not just for them.

Great article. Thanks

If you also travel for business, as I do (at least, as I did before COVID), it becomes especially hard to ask the wife for solo recreational time too.  My wife makes no special distinctions between work travel and fun travel.  To her it’s time apart regardless of the activity, and I doubt she is unique in that respect.  Hard to argue with her position, so when the kids were little I simply hiked less.  Now that the kids are grown and out of the house we take a different approach.  When I travel for business to someplace interesting, she’ll often come along and see the sights while I meet with customers.  Fun for her, and it’s fun for me too because believe it or not, business trips are boring.  And thanks to these joint business trips my backpacking time has become a little easier to justify.

Like Roger, we hike together, and that solves the problem.

But for an example of what NOT to do, read Colin Fletcher…

Two additional thoughts.
1) There are stages of life when leaving on a solo adventure is not practical. E.g, with young children.  Embrace family life, it passes quickly.
2) The person staying home is not static. While you are away, they are continuing with life. Be aware that when you return home, the also need to readjust to sharing space, routines etc again.

I’m with Team Roger & Paul, I backpack with my wife.  In following Backpackinglight, it seems like a vast majority of married people do not take their significant others with them.  This is odd to me and I never really understood why that is.

Another interesting observation is when I do see couples hiking, many times they hike at different paces and separated by a good distance: usually with the Alpha in the lead.    We tend to match pace and transfer weight between us to “balance” the workload.  Our general rule of thumb is a 60/40 split on the weight with micro-adjustments to balance the energy output.  My 2 cents.

“This is odd to me and I never really understood why that is.”

Perhaps because some spouses/significant others don’t like backpacking?

they hike at different paces and separated by a good distance

We solved that problem ages ago. Sue leads, with me doing my best to keep up. She may be small, but she can move. At least it means we can chat together as we go, seeing things together. Birds, flowers, views …

Cheers

Jon, we do that too.  I carry about 25-30 pounds, and my wife usually around 20…

But we do hike at different speeds.  We actually prefer a little distance on the trail…meeting up at water crossings, junctions, passes, etc.  We find we see and hear more that way…