I picked the wrong hobby.

Oh and it doesn't help that I have a bad tendency to be very "all or nothing" sometimes I don't see the "middle" like taking a long day hike or staying close to the car. If I can't do it 100% then it's not worth doing. But as you can see, I can potentially miss out on a lot of enjoyment. So thanks for helping me see my bad habits.

Sounds like the ideal thing for you to do is hike in a mile or two, set up a 'base camp' and then do some wandering.

Have fun and get out there Steve!

I think you probably did pick the wrong hobby, a lot of your "reasons" sound a lot like "excuses". I like backpacking and hiking to get away from people, others like more social activities. Maybe a new hobby that is way more social?

Before you explain any more of the reasons you cannot get yourself to go outside, stop and imagine what this post would sound like to someone who has health issues that have made backpacking a temporary or permanent impossibility.

Sorry if I'm coming across a little salty here, but I have to say it.

There is absolutely nothing stopping you from doing what you want to do except your own negative attitude. All of the difficulties you mention can be immediately overcome with a minimal amount of effort and planning. If you really want to do this.

'Oh and it doesn't help that I have a bad tendency to be very "all or nothing" '

Ha! You took the words out of my mouth. That's exactly what I was going to say.

You've been out once? Fantastic. Seriously. That's so much better than not at all!

The next thing you should do:

Go to the Hiking Partners/Group announcements sub forum and post that you're looking for an Ohio/Western PA (or however geographically broad you wan to make it) backpacking companion. To your advantage: you are a guy — the odds are to your advantage!

+1 on the day trips. I've been going on those w/all my gear for conditioning purposes. The idea of doing a popular trail near me, Timberline, solo seems more and more viable as I get to know the trail. (and realize how reassuringly not alone I'd be, cause it's such a destination). Meanwhile I'm having a great experience and am getting in shape.

Nah, it'll be a bit before you can take off at the drop of a hat. I'm still a ways away from that, but you know what? I spent 4 nights in the wilderness last year. Which is 4 more than I had for the prior seven years! This year, once I complete my next trip I will have spent 11 nights in the wilderness. Which is almost double everything past!

Write on the calendar in pen. Reciprocate with your wife, give her a chunk of free time to do whatever the heck she wants to do before and/or after. Yes, having someone to go with does make the date on the calendar stick better.

What I'm hearing is: You're a good, responsible husband/father, who's kinda stuck on thing you really want to do. Maybe you're still in that new-parent funk. You're asking for a push, pragmatic advice, and someone here to go with. Let's get you out!

Keep rallying whatever possibilities you can and it will happen.

I had a whole thing written out for you Craig but it seems like you have some issues of your own. So I'm not gonna bite ad give ya the satisfaction. Have a good one and thanks for the reply.
And again, thanks for all the helpful tips everyone. Definitely helped me see things from a different perspective.

"All of the difficulties you mention can be immediately overcome with a minimal amount of effort and planning. If you really want to do this."

+1. I think Craig's just trying to get you to look at all the impediment/reasons/excuses/whatever from a different perspective.

If you want to do it, get out there and make it happen! Start small and go!

Thanks for the encouragement. And aside from that issue, I realize I pretty much solved my own problem when I said what I like about backpacking. Which ironically didn't really have anything to do with camping and was more focused on wondering around in the woods. Kinda funny how easy it is to get off track and lose focus on the things we really want. So, I will definitely make it out before my surgery even if just for a long walk in the middle of the woods.

X2 Spelt "Rightly or wrongly, you're not going to get a whole lot of sympathy here. Many BPLers have the disposable income to make trips happen regardless, others structure their lives around getting outside, either by avoiding complications like kids or making it a family affair. In other words, your obstacles don't seem like obstacles to them. However, you have to work from where you are. Do you really want to get out? Do you benefit from it? Then you have to figure out what is really keeping you from doing it. Some of your roadblocks are reality and some are in your mind. I would suggest trying to sort those out and tackling them appropriately."

My wife and I have two under two and that means that we're pretty much stuck car camping for the next two to three years which is ok with my wife. Even just car camping is a ton of work and honestly not that enjoyable since the kids don't sleep and are a lot of work. I think we've only been out camping as a family six or seven times this year.

Reading some of the comments on here it sounds like a lot of people are blessed with easy/good kids. :) Also, a 6 month old is a cake walk compared to older children. We used to take my son hiking all the time even in the winter from about the time he was born, once he hit a little over a year things became much more difficult. Then my daughter came and things became exponentially more difficult. My kids cry all night, wake up all night, refuse to sleep, etc. Camping is great until we get to the tent and then it's misery.

The good thing is you only have one child and that makes things easier for a few reasons.

First, if you go solo and your wife has to watch the kid, it's less stressful for her and hopefully she isn't in a bad mood when you get back. This part changed for me when kid #2 came. Now I feel guilty when I get out without the family and only go on a trip without them every other month.

Second, if you do decide to take your wife and child it's not too bad since you won't have another child to wake the first up and you'll have a 2:1 ratio of adults to kids. Not too bad at all. One person carries the gear, the other carries the kid.

It sounds like your wife is very understanding but also has a lot on her plate, maybe make it a goal for two or three trips a year until your child is older and your wife is out? Do day trips to keep the fire alive and start working out on a regular basis so that when you do have the opportunity to backpack you'll enjoy it a lot more.

Do a bunch of day hikes and prepare yourself for the day when you can get out and do those "all or nothing" trips. Once you have a second vehicle, your wife is done with school and your child is a little older things will be much easier but you'll still have excuses for why not to go that you'll have to overcome.

…

Further to – "Rightly or wrongly, you're not going to get a whole lot of sympathy here. Many BPLers have the disposable income to make trips happen regardless, others structure their lives around getting outside, either by avoiding complications like kids or making it a family affair. In other words, your obstacles don't seem like obstacles to them. "

But the OP was not seeking practical advice on how to equip himself on a low budget, quite the opposite – he has the kit and is not using it. He was also not (primarily) seeking advice on how people fit in hiking with or around a young family. I think that requests for constructive advice on either of these topics would have met with an enthusiastic and helpful response on here.

In fact, the "difficulties" presented in the OP sounded pretty much like overly-pessimistic made-up stuff, more characteristic of a depressed frame of mind than real problems in need of practical solutions. So the general response of "stop whining and just get out hiking, even if it's short solo trip, you'll probably find you love it" seemed pretty reasonable to me.

+1. Except for the depressed part. Discouraged May be a bit more accurate. But thank you for your thoughts.

I've been where the OP is recently enough. There are some legit pragmatic challenges to get past.

I have another pursuit that is a contrast to backpacking. That one is totally on me. I could do it any night of the week. I don't need anyone else's permission or cooperation. There is no risk to my safety, only my ego. I just need to prepare and do it. I've done it twice. Backpacking…certain elements need to align. They do eventually, but there's more logistical complexity.

Totally understand the car issue. When I go in a trip, I need to use the car..leaving my wife home without it..With 3 kids..or less depending if any come with me. That's the main issue for me, otherwise I would probably get out at least once every month. So, for time being..I make it a point to plan ahead. I pick a date 2 or 3 months ahead, tell her what my plan is, mark it on calandar. .and do it. It's all about planning for me..make it happen. Ya know what? Over last 3 years I have had many trips planned and canceled because of unforseen circumstances. .BUT..I immediately pick a new date a few weeks later and try my best to make that happen..and so it goes. Make it happen..don't give up and don't feel sorry for yourself. And about having to spend money for a pbl thingy??!! No way!! Unless you are going on some epic journey somewhere, I wouldn't waste my money on that. I bring my cell phone and explain before I leave..If I get service somewhere, I will call or text, if not, then I will call you on my way home. If you don't here from me by such n such a time on this day..start celebrating, lol. People got by for centuries without all this technology, it's kind of sad that today "they" make you feel like you need this stuff to go out for a little weekend jaunt in the woods. I'm sure you will be fine if you plan your route..stick to it best you can, leave info with wife, bring a map n compass, and be smart.

>>then I will call you on my way home. If you don't here from me by such n such a time on this day..start celebrating, lol. <<

That's a good one – gonna steal it and use it sometime! ;-)

I found a couple local Meetup groups- one is co-ed, and one is all-women. I became active both as a participant and as an organizer in the all women group. I go hiking/camping with them as much as I can.

Definitely join and follow a good meetup group closely for upcoming meetups. There's a great group of people in your area that I've been trying to get out with sometime myself. Search meetup, and I'm sure you'll find those wanderers. Also, don't hesitate to look into more distant groups. If you're all going to the same place, most trip leaders will work with you to meet at the trailhead. But, a local group would obviously work better because you could carpool.

I have four kids with an age range of 4-10. We've done one family backpacking trip in a wilderness area in WV every other year for the past 4 years. We don't go far, but everyone has fun. When the youngest was a baby, I had to carry nearly all of the gear for everyone, including two tents. My wife carried the baby in a carrier.

this also sounds like a case where it would be perfectly reasonable to "pack your fears"

meaning..go ahead, carry too much water, food, insulation, maps, whatever it takes to make you comfortable to just get out there (thinking of solo trips here)

it's that kind of experience that teaches you what you don't need and how you 'get better' at this.

Alan, great advice. I don't think there is anything wrong with overpacking for the inexperienced. Bring the comfort blanket and pack your fears. Figure out what works for you and what doesn't. Over time refine your loadout and drop weight and simplify. Solo backpacking is a lot of fun, especially for those of us who are a bit anti-social. :)

When you have small kids, it tougher to get out. If both parents want to get out camping with infants, its doable but difficult. If only one wants to get out, you have to go solo, thereby leaving your poor wife to take care of the kid/kids which its not fair to dump on her.

When my kids were little I did less backpacking than I wanted. When they were old enough I went on canoe trips, where I could throw them and a lot of gear in the canoe, go to a remote campsite, and get in some wilderness time. We also got a pickup camper and camped in national forests and fished, canoed and did day hikes. When my youngest, a boy, was 6 we went on an overnight backpack of 1 mile, where he walked the whole way with a small pack. The next year we went on 4 backpacks, the next year 6, and so on. When he was 12 we went on a 4 day backpack, when he was 13 we went on a 6 day backpack.

If your wife doesn't want to go, maybe you can do the child care duties so she can have a weekend of peace and quiet, then you can get some time off in exchange. Take a weekend once and a while if you can. If she throws a fit over being left at all, you have a problem.

If you have to go solo, go to an area that is heavily used, hike out 5 or 6 miles, camp, and you will likely meet some people. There might be classes at a local college in backpacking, with an overnight trip as part of the trip. I used to teach such a class. You might meet some potential partners at the class.

If hiking is right for you, the urge to go won't go away.

"the warden"…!
Ohhh, AMEN brother! She's a tough one all right

Juggling family and personal life without guilt can be tricky. Still practicing

If one waits for the perfect weather, perfect season, perfect trail, perfect time, etc, etc. they will never do anything.

Kids can limit some things, but doesn’t require one to eliminate the things we enjoy. My kids camped a lot with me, did some backpacking with me, and I still found plenty of time to meet my family and work obligations, and I backpacked solo often. When my kids were small they though Mt San Jacinto was “daddy’s mountain” and Joshua Tree was “daddy’s desert.”

A few months ago I found myself 30 minutes east of Cleveland too, in Mentor. I had to conduct a one-day workshop that gave me some hiking time while in the area — an area I knew nothing about and had no time to plan. Here is what I did. I didn’t have time to figure out what/where was legal to camp, so I stealthed that part.

Nike says it perfectly, “Just Do It”

I grew up in Rhode Island.

While RI has some beautiful coast line, wonderful cuisine (Azorean Portuguese, southern Italian and seafood) and great history, it is not an outdoor mecca.

The Whites were a 3-5 hour drive away.

The Berkshires were 2-3 hours away.

As I was starting my outdoor "career", I craved outdoor time. But I could not always get away for a 4 hour drive.

I looked locally.

I backpacked in Arcadia Management Area (essentially a state forest), went to the equivalent in nearby Connecticut, and hiked around and camped at a place I remember being both an old cranberry bog and being the place of high school keggers. :)

What I'm trying to say, is if I could fine someplace in the smallest and one of the most densely populated states in the country to backpack, you can find a place, too.

Get out there. explore. Find a local outdoor club. And, as Nike and Nick said, DO IT!

Rhode Island in the early fall….not bad.

For me to get to mountains I need to drive 10-11 hours or get on an airplane.

I live in Akron, have 2 small children 5 and 1. My wife is in school at akron u. I go hiking all the time! Pm if you want to meet up somewhere.