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Avoiding nasty hiking partners…


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  • #2121950
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    "Those who solve this problem by going Solo are probably the ones unwilling to compromise to make things work, think about it …"

    True enough, Art, but maybe also good to think about why people go into the mountains in the first place. If everything ends up being a compromise, with all the attendant emotional overhead, maybe they're better off solo or with a small group of trusted companions. My own preference is for one person I know well, as I just don't have time to waste on the complexities/frustrations of group dynamics. There's enough of that in the front country. I have on two occasions had a really good trip with people I didn't know well or hadn't met personally, but that has been enough of an exception that I almost never do it.

    The two exceptions were with BPLer's, and they turned out to be trips I wouldn't have missed for the world.

    #2122007
    Art …
    BPL Member

    @asandh

    Tom – I'm not implying there is anything wrong with going solo. It can add a new dimension to any experience. just that those who go solo should be honest to themselves about it. People don't need to compromise all the time.

    #2122049
    Ken Thompson
    BPL Member

    @here

    Locale: Right there

    Check out possible partners by scrutinizing their Chaff posts. Has worked great for me. I've got a great group of folks to choose from now. And a really long list of who to avoid. Out in the middle of the woods is the perfect place to get in one's face and tell them how it will be from now on.

    #2122052
    daniel B
    Spectator

    @dbogey

    Locale: East Coast

    Eric – didn't know my ex wife was hiking with you. She can be a real biach sometimes …..I had to throw that in there.

    #2122053
    Jerry Adams
    BPL Member

    @retiredjerry

    Locale: Oregon and Washington

    "Check out possible partners by scrutinizing their Chaff posts."

    Hmmm…that must be why no one wants to hike with me…just had to throw that in there : )

    #2122114
    Dave T
    Member

    @davet

    > Check out possible partners by scrutinizing their Chaff posts. Has worked great for me. I've got a great group of folks to choose from now. And a really long list of who to avoid.

    Agreed! :)

    #2122619
    Eric Blumensaadt
    BPL Member

    @danepacker

    Locale: Mojave Desert

    As mentioned,

    >I taught high school students for 35 years. (And taught psychology for 20 years.)

    >I practice meditation.

    >I've been trained by the Sierra Club in Outings Leadership courses.

    >I'm a Ski Patroller who has handled drunks, beeaatches and other combative, cranky injured folks successfully.

    >Been on several Canadian wilderness canoe trips where we've handled "canoe fever" problems along the way and all parted friends.

    Those are my people management creds.

    BTW, that last trip had two other women, both nurses, who were great to hike with. So I ain't a misogynist. Both my lovely daughters can attest to that.

    So maybe now you get a handle on just how bad this woman is.

    (THERE!, now I feel better.)

    #2122622
    Marko Botsaris
    BPL Member

    @millonas

    Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA

    Now you are just teasing us! Come on, dish a few snake-lady stores. We wont tell. Remember it is for educational purposes here…ahem.

    #2122634
    Eric Blumensaadt
    BPL Member

    @danepacker

    Locale: Mojave Desert

    Marko,

    The temptation to tell those epics is great but I know I've already gone too far here as it is.

    Well, OK, just one.

    The leader, another woman and I reached the agreed upon final campsite. We waited over an hour and no Snake Lady (thanks Marko, love that name) or the two nurses.
    So the leader said he was going back downstream to find them. The other woman, a very competent river guide, went with him. I said I'd stay behind and watch our camp. I said send one person back for me if medical attention was needed.

    When they returned with snake Lady (who had made a wrong turn) the first words out of her mouth were "Well Eric, I see you weren't concerned at ALL where we were. Thanks a lot!"

    Whaddya say to that? Nuttin' is what I said, just made a big grin and winked at the nurses.

    #2122638
    BlackHatGuy
    Spectator

    @sleeping

    Locale: The Cascades

    "Whaddya say to that?"

    I often miss the part of my brain that processes words before allowing them to escape my mouth. The immediate thing I thought of, and would very, very likely have said, was "It's not that I wasn't worried about you at all, I was just much more worried about the campsite…."

    Now you know why I don't hike with many people….

    #2122639
    Donna C
    BPL Member

    @leadfoot

    Locale: Middle Virginia

    Maybe she needs lots and lots of chocolate!!

    #2122642
    Marko Botsaris
    BPL Member

    @millonas

    Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA

    There was advice I got from a guy who lived in the country about what to do if a dog bites you (sorry to mix animal metaphors here, but I don't have a good snake one) and that was not to pull away, which is what they expect and probably want, but to instead shove your hand/arm hard down their throat until that gag. I doubt if this would work on attack dogs AT ALL, of course, but I have tested this on several overzealous pooches over the years, and it really works. After doing that you can virtually dare the dog to bite you and it will flee.

    The moral of the story is this: I can already recognize the personality type (my aunt was a bit like that) and it may be just a certain style of communicating, albeit a very annoying one. This is especially true if you have a stoic personality type (as I do) which mixes very badly with the "mouthy" type, for lack of a better term. I grew up in the south, and the first time I met a large number of northern east coasters (alright, I'll say it – New Yorkers) was when I went to college. It took me a month or so before I felt comfortable, and finally realized that their aggressive way of communicating was just their style.

    But, back to the shoving your hand down the dogs throat. I probably would have played along and said, "Damn, just when we thought we lost you. Well, tomorrow is another day". This shows her both that you don't take her complaints seriously, and that you are prepared to give back as good as you get. For some people they feel you are being hostile if you don't bite back, and are mistrustful, and for others the implicit if humorous warning is enough to moderate their aggression. Of course there are a few other types where things explode, but I say damn the torpedoes full speed ahead. The main danger with this approach, in my experience, is she will start liking you.

    (advice for entertainment purposes only, no warranty intended either explicit or implicit, all legal liability null and void except in districts were explicitly prohibited by law.)

    #2122646
    Bob Gross
    BPL Member

    @b-g-2-2

    Locale: Silicon Valley

    The Snake Lady probably has stories about Eric the Mongoose.

    –B.G.–

    #2122761
    Eric Blumensaadt
    BPL Member

    @danepacker

    Locale: Mojave Desert

    Bob,

    Yeah, she must have something agin' me. Or maybe she just doesn't like men. I suspect the latter.

    Me a mongoose? Nah! I'm just a little puppy with sharp little teeth and not yet housebroken.

    #2122763
    Bob Gross
    BPL Member

    @b-g-2-2

    Locale: Silicon Valley

    a nice puppy

    Mom, can I pet the nice puppy?

    –B.G.–

    #2122765
    Stephen M
    BPL Member

    @stephen-m

    Locale: Way up North

    Eric,

    You do know that sometimes when a women is aggressive to a man it means they are hiding
    Affection ;-)

    #2122776
    Marko Botsaris
    BPL Member

    @millonas

    Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA

    That is the pitfall I was alluding to before. If he is snippy back to her she may decide he is the man of her dreams. :-0

    I think that is how my Aunt and Uncle got together.

    #2122802
    Eric Blumensaadt
    BPL Member

    @danepacker

    Locale: Mojave Desert

    God forbid I should encourage her!

    Anyway, I'm married and, as one wise man once told me, "Don't disappoint more than one woman at a time."

    #2122807
    Stephen M
    BPL Member

    @stephen-m

    Locale: Way up North

    I hear you Eric :-)

    #2122815
    Kathleen B
    Member

    @rosierabbit

    Locale: Pacific Northwest

    So how did it go? Are they back from the trip? Any feedback from the others who went and endured? Any progress getting through to her?

    #2122819
    Marko Botsaris
    BPL Member

    @millonas

    Locale: Santa Cruz Mountains, CA

    "Anyway, I'm married and, as one wise man once told me, "Don't disappoint more than one woman at a time." "

    I like Garrison Keillor's: "I can jade a woman myself, I don't need one pre-jaded." :-)

    #2122828
    Ian
    BPL Member

    @10-7

    And with that one woman…

    You can be right

    or

    You can be happy

    (Best advice my old section chief ever gave me)

    #2122945
    Katherine .
    BPL Member

    @katherine

    Locale: pdx

    Bummer she was so bad that you felt her presence would ruin the upcoming trip. I'm sure you made the right decision for you.

    A backpacking trip can easily alter to one's mood. If she was lagging behind, sounds like the trip was a challenge for her and that may have raised her overall crankiness level.

    Conversely, others might be far more pleasant while doing something they love and being away from work or family pressures.

    Personally, in group backpacking situations I'm more quiet and reserved than I would be in other contexts — mainly cause I'm saving my breath to keep up. I can recall a moment on a group trip where I may have seemed rudely unresponsive to a fellow backpacker, but I just couldn't handle hiking uphill and talking at the same time.

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