The Other Fly –The Ridiculous One in your Baselayer

Excellent point, John.

I have a pair of "bicycle" type mid-thigh shorts that work either as outer shorts or as underwear. Couldn't use 'em as outers with a fly!

Yes, apologies to our beloved women for this thread, although I suspect they are mightily amused. And I would point out that if THEY had units like we do, then THEY would be thinking about them all the time, just as we do!

Don't criticize us, women, until you walk a mile in OUR thick, bunched-up underwear. You'll find out why we want yours…!

Running tights are just so much better than long underwear. Much more durable and practical if you are going to hike in them. I like the golite fleece lined tights, very warm and no fly.

I have a pair of underarmor briefs with no fly, and i often undo the fly of my hiking pants/baselayer and unpleasantly discover that I forgot the undies dont have a fly and have to drop trow any ways… time for new undies I guess.

To each his own….

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"The overlapping double curtain fly on the classic men's underwear is not designed to be an exit port. It's to maintain coverage during reduced and expanded cargo situation. It's design for comfort stretch without risking exposure or restricting blood flow. It is NOT designed as an exit port. "

WOW! That actually made sense! A mystery since I was born… now resolved. Thanks. Also good to know I was actually doing it right all along.

I who'da thunkit on a thread made up mostly of pee jokes. Sometime you just gotta stick it out to the 3rd or 4th page! ;-)

"The overlapping double curtain fly on the classic men's underwear is not designed to be an exit port. It's to maintain coverage during reduced and expanded cargo situation. It's design for comfort stretch without risking exposure or restricting blood flow. It is NOT designed as an exit port. Those that have tried to drive the straight long bus out of the S-shaped driveway found out that it fails.

so really the overlapping double curtain fly is for retractable expandable comfort. One size to fit for all occasions."

I've read this over several times now, and I still don't have a clue what you're reasoning is. I've somehow managed to snake the unit thru that double curtain with no trouble at all for many, many years, even in pitch dark, and occasionally in conditions where dropping trou would have resulted in borderline frostbite. Today was a good example, hiking in temperatures that varied from 19 degrees F to 24 degrees F. Pulling one's pants down to pee, thereby exposing tender bits to the elements, when there is a convenient port clearly(at least to me) designed to be used for just that, seems a bit peculiar, to say the least. Perhaps if one exists in a state of perpetual tumescence…..

"Sometime you just gotta stick it out…"

Pun intended?

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"Now, let's imagine (or not imagine!) that the person inside the tent got really fat and doubled their height, width, girth and weight. Again, trying to exit out of that overlapping double curtain is getting more difficult."

And all this time I thought we were talking about p'ing. IME, p'ing and tumescence are a functional oxymoron.

Now let's sit back and see what Google does with tumescence. ;0)

Goodness gracious…what would you guys all do if you had to totally drop trou and squat to the ground each and every time you had to pee.

I believe this is what is known as a First World Problem.

But I must admit to being terribly entertained. Can we talk about pee rags now?

Roger must be one of those weirdos that likes to have sex with his pants on.

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So Roger, so while I actually accept your panel logic, it still seems hard to fit my "rear fly" tights neatly into the theory. Are you saying the rear fly is there to fit different butt shapes? I suppose I could possibly buy that. As stupid as it sounds, it makes WAY more sense than a mazey slot for doing #2 in the cold. I've never seen those anywhere else so possibly this is a total aberration. On the other hand they are Patagonia, so one likes to believe they were well thought out. Maybe there are like the stamps that got printed with the upside-down plane 100 years ago – now they are worth millions because of the mistake.

I apologize for not concealing my remark in a heavy layer of innuendo.

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"Mark
For doing #2 with minimal exposure to the elements:
the farmer johns, long johns rear flap, aka Red union suits, or drop seat back…
There is no mazey slot for #2. it's a couple of buttons or velcro, on a square rear butt flap. I spend an entire 30 secs to find these style designs."

Roger,

You are not paying attention! I've been telling you I HAVE some Patagonia tights/long underwear with a rear fly that is fashioned (inexplicably) exactly like the usual *overlapping* style we have been talking about. Exactly, except they are a bit bigger, say about twice as big.

I am tempted to send you a picture, but I feel I need to know someone better before I send them photos of my underwear. Paying attention when I talk might be a good start. *sniff*

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"don't send such photos. I recluse myself from this thread."

Oh that is a good enough reason for me!

Front:

Back:

Design – same. Size – a bit more than twice as big. Overlap in back, about 5 inches. Craziness – priceless.

Who the hell designed this? I suppose you could hold it open with both hands, but that scenario is…problematical.

Eric's assertion that this overlap is for "protection from the elements" – problematical in this case.

I'm telling you this is a bonafide fake wooden facade on a marble Greek temple – there is no use, and no function, as far as I can see.

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LOL

Yeah, ashamed to admit I thought of all those, but was too meek to suggest them. We could add (5) holder for heat packs (6) additional hidden storage area, perhaps for keys and money, like a money belt (7) actually designed to be used as a team, one to hold it open, the other to wipe….and so on. (whoops, looks like I may have just lost my license to make fun of pee jokes!)

Yeah, I know about the "grampa's long johns flaps". I mentioned them in my first post. I always think of some ice fisherman in MN sitting on a port-o-potty on a frozen lake using those.

"Goodness gracious…what would you guys all do if you had to totally drop trou and squat to the ground each and every time you had to pee."

Get a sex change.

Tom….

THAT has to be the best post of 2013!

you mean you guys don't all get into your birthday suit to answer natures call?