I've been very happy with my (O2 style) laminate jackets (I've bought several). Of course, if they were more durable, I wouldn't have to buy so many :). You do have to be very careful. It doesn't take much to tear them. There are several brands and I don't have a strong opinion on one over the other. I should mention that some of the "normal" jackets are actually exceeding the weight performance of the laminate jacket: http://tinyurl.com/2go4zs.
I mentioned the jacket because it was the second piece of ultra-light gear I bought. The first was a G4. I discovered the jacket by reading Glen's gear list on the Gossamer Gear site.
Your road to ultralight will vary (everyone has a different way of getting there). For me (and a lot of people), the first step is to get a scale and weigh everything you have. Then ask yourself whether you really need to bring it (or that many of it). Sometimes you end up replacing things, other times you just leave it at home. I was surprised at how heavy most slippers and sandals (including crocs) are, so I replaced them with 1 oz. shower sandals (sorry, I can't find a link). For a lot of other stuff, I made tough compromises (I use closed cell foam which is significantly lighter than an inflatable pad, but not nearly as comfy). My point is that the whole process will probably take a long time and probably never really be over. I don't think I'll get to the point where I say "that's it, I'm not buying another piece of gear unless something wears out". There is just too much great gear innovation going on out there. The best you can hope for is to buy a nice piece of gear that lasts several years before you really feel the urge to replace it.
With regards to a pack, keep in mind that it is an unusual piece of equipment. Everything else (except maybe your boots) can't make your hiking experience more enjoyable. For example, your tent may be great, but while you are carrying it in your backpack it is only making your experience worse (as are all the things you are carrying). The backpack itself, on the other hand, can make a huge difference in comfort. Plus, the weight of a backpack often sits really well (if most of the weight of the pack is in the waste and shoulder straps). The BPL book (http://tinyurl.com/2zvhqu) has a section on pack weight and walking and describes the torque effect of a heavy/bulky load. It gets complicated but a lot boils down to the fact that how your load sits on your back is almost as important as how much you are carrying. A 10 pound set of weights wrapped around your waste is lot easier to carry than a 9 pound load of balloons on your back (to make an extreme example). That is why so many people place so much importance on being able to compress a load. In general though, I wouldn't obsess over the weight of a backpack (as I would other gear). If you shave a few ounces off your tent, you're hiking will be better; if you replace your pack, it might not. I think it is more important to consider overall design (comfort and load compression) combined with where the weight on the pack is. If the pack has a lot of extra straps or is made from heavy material, then you are paying for stuff that won't help your back. While the Granite Gear pack I have is not perfect (I could probably drop 5 or 6 ounces by redesigning it) it has few bells and whistles and is made of pretty light material. Again, it was significantly lighter than my old pack, has a great waste belt and can handle a pretty big load. I'm sure there are other packs out there with similar designs/materials that are just as comfortable and can handle just as much.
I should mention that I wouldn't consider myself ultralight (yet). With food for an overnighter, I carry about 15 pounds. As I replace my other stuff, I may consider buying another backpack (like something from Gossamer Gear).