10 Reasons why you should never spend time in the backcountry

It's all true! So much better to stay in the metropolis! ;)

Not to mention snakes and bears and mountain lions, oh and did I mention snakes…? Stay at home. Please.

oh yes, I did forget the snakes, didn't I?

What about two legged snakes?

If you've seen two legged snakes Stephen I would love to see some photos :-)

Mike,

I refer to unsavoury and nasty people.

Ahh i'm with you now Stephen

:-)

Your apps may not be able to update automatically.

It might rain. Or snow. Or be sunny.

You could stub your toe on a root or rock since many backcountry locations do not have adequate sidewalks installed.

You might be sore at the end of the day.

You might be still be sore when you wake up.

Adam

The rain is wet, the snow is cold, and the sun will burn you. You really can't win here.

You'll miss out on reading useless crap on the internet.

Or you might run into the Idster, B.G., Travis, Konrad, or me on the trail–what a fine mess that would be for you. And then there's David, Dean F., Adan, Craig, Mike, Kat, the Link, and maybe even Maia–it's pretty darned dangerous out there, with all those rascals on the loose.

Earthquakes, boulder avalanches, landslides, flash floods, freezing temperatures, triple-digit temperatures, rabid rodents and mammals, poisonous snakes, poisonous insects and spiders, predatory packs of coyotes, man-eating tarantulas, nasty large biting lizards, no marked trails, probably no water, and GPS failures."

The real problem is that animals poop everywhere, they have no respect.

You might even get sweaty and start to smell bad. Gross!

"The real problem is that animals poop everywhere, they have no respect"

At least they don't use toilet paper

Hatchet wielding maniacs

Sasquatch

Pot farms

No ice cream or taco trucks

"You might even get sweaty and start to smell bad. Gross!"

Exactly what are you trying to say?

–B.G.–

The real problem is that animals poop everywhere, they have no respect.

Is it bad that my first thought was "how is this different from San Francisco sidewalks?"

Obligatory contributions:
-You can't call out for pizza: clearly a starvation danger.
-If you're not careful you might get some nature on you.

You might spend more than five minutes alone and thus run the grave risk of attending your own thoughts.

You will have to actually walk up and down each elevation change due to the total lack of escalators in the wilderness. The few elevators that do exist have been shut down due to federal budget cuts necessitated by Congress's complete inability to pass a budget.

However, the primary reason is that, despite their advertising, Domino's does NOT deliver to wilderness campsites.

Mosquitoes! Black flies! No-see-ums! Ticks!

Even worse: DEET and Permetherin!

Emerging from the backcountry makes society seem that much worse.