Is it rude to fill a wedding registry with backpacking gear?

[P. Larson]

I would suggest saying "Gift Cards" from REI.

[Stephen M]

You could always sneak an Mlife on to the Wedding list

[P. Larson]

"You could always sneak an Mlife on to the Wedding list" – Who knows, maybe you will be gifted one for getting married.

[Kattt]

I am going to be a little unpopular here, but I find the idea of " registering" anywhere somewhat rude. I get that it helps people get stuff they actually need ( or want….), but to me registering at a store is going too far with it.
I think a list of things you would like is much more appropriate and if that includes backpacking gear, that'd be fine with me.
It must be a cultural thing, as I was not raised with this in Europe. We also would never have kids open all their friend's presents at the party.

Edited for spelling.

[Kier Selinsky]

"but I find the idea of " registering" anywhere somewhat rude"

I can appreciate how it looks to those who aren't used to it. One important consideration though is that when you register at a store, the store tracks when people have bought that item off your registery. So on wedding day, you don't end up with 15 Osprey Exos 58 packs (what a tragedy that would be!) :)

It's all whatever to me, we eloped, so we didn't get any gifts! haha!

[Mary D]

Kat, I can see how the American custom of registering at stores would seem rude, like asking for gifts. However, registering serves several useful functions:

It frees the bridal couple and parents from constantly being inundated with "What do you/they want/need?" questions.

It hopefully means the bridal couple won't be inundated with gifts they can't use, especially of the mismatched variety. I remember receiving a bunch of those. Of course, as I mentioned with my daughter, registering didn't completely prevent that problem!

It theoretically eliminates duplication of gifts. Notice I said "theoretically," because, as mentioned above in my daughter's case, it doesn't always work. I had the same thing happen with amazon.com's "wish list" last Christmas–I got several duplicates–and I will never use it again!

If registries are used, the couple should be sure to specify a wide variety of price ranges.

I personally prefer giving a check or gift certificates so the couple can choose what they want. Some people think that's rude, too! You can't win!

IMHO the very best gift would be an item with a special history attached, or something tasteful made by the giver, such as the hand-painted tray from my aunt that I mentioned. However, not all of us are artistic (unlike you!) and not everyone appreciates home-crafted or antique items.

My daughter and her fiance, although they did register at a couple of stores, tried hard to get people to donate to selected charities instead of giving them gifts. That didn't work, either!

[Paul Magnanti]

>>I think your parents are a more accurate reflection of the people that will be >>attending your wedding buying you the gifts and I think they are saying it's not a good >>>idea for a reason.

Really? How so?

If I listened to my parents, I'd still be be back East living five minutes away from them. ;) At least in my case, most the guests are fellow Coloradoans who are transplants and roughly our age (30s and 40s). Not sure what input the parents would have on our guests…

>>>It must be a cultural thing, as I was not raised with this in Europe.

My fiancee' grew up in Europe as well and never heard of it either.

OTOH, I grew up in the US and truly never heard of a registry until a few years ago. Definitely not part of my cultural heritage either. (To be fair, neither is two kegs of Oskar Blues, a grill and some burgers at a wedding! :) )

Anyway, at least for us, we are doing away with the registry and doing a modern version of the gift box both Adrianna and I grew up with….if people really feel the need to give a gift.

As the saying goes "Our guests presence is a present enough".

And we truly mean it.

[Tim Zen]

How about you collect cash envelopes in a large stuff sack instead of presents.

[Randy Nelson]

"(To be fair, neither is two kegs of Oskar Blues, a grill and some burgers at a wedding! :) )"

2 kegs of OB??? I'm sorry but I seemed to have misplaced my invite, please re-send. :)

I think the registering for gear is a great idea! We had already been living together when we got married and didn't need anything so we didn't do it. Shoot, we didn't even send out invitations. Just told friends and family where it would be (Stoneman Meadow in Yosemite Valley) and said if you can join us great (there was only 3 weeks notice) and if not, no problem. Worked out very nicely.

[Nick Gatel]

I agree, it is your wedding.

A couple years ago I went to the wedding of some friends son. Sometimes we go camping with the Groom's parents. Of course the parents have all the camping gear, the kids had little. So as a wedding present the Groom's parents bought EVERYTHING the kids would need for any camping trip. I thought it was really cool and stuff they could use.

My wife and I have some expensive wedding gifts we received when we got married. I am afraid to touch them, as I might break them. A McHale would have been a much better gift for me :)

Of course, cash is King!

[Richard Juen]

I don't think it would be rude at all. It would have been so much more fun for my wife and I to get outdoor stuff from REI than the usual blenders, kitchen items, etc. We must have just been too traditional 32 years ago to even think of something creative like that. A great idea I think. Congratulations!

[Greg F]

I registered for things i needed this included a bunch of car camping gear, pots and pans, small appliances.

So 6 years later what i still use are

Pots and pans, a good pot set is a fantastic gift and lasts forever so if you dont have a nice set it is a great gift
Kitchen aid mixer and blender
Camping stove, camping pot set
Tent
Tools
Cutlery

Things i never used / dont use any more
Gimmicky appliances, if you get them take them back
Bedding
Towels

I would say that 5 years later camping gear is definately one of the gifts that last and outside of the pots will probably last the longest.

[Ty Ty]

">>I think your parents are a more accurate reflection of the people that will be >>attending your wedding buying you the gifts and I think they are saying it's not a good >>>idea for a reason.

Really? How so?

If I listened to my parents, I'd still be be back East living five minutes away from them. ;) At least in my case, most the guests are fellow Coloradoans who are transplants and roughly our age (30s and 40s). Not sure what input the parents would have on our guests…"

Relating your choice of where to live/move and how to live your life has little to do with what you register for as gifts. My advice is geared towards Logan, and I got the impression the parents are throwing them a wedding versus he is paying for his own wedding. The parents probably know 90% of the people attending the wedding. There is a reason why wedding gifts are geared towards the home, it's because two people are coming together to make a new family and a new home.

I also don't subscribe to the idea of 'it's your day, do whatever you want and your guests should just suck it up and deal with it, if they don't like it forget them'. Weddings are about the bride and groom yes but if you expect people to travel from all over, take time off work, spend money coming to your wedding and bring you a thoughtful (and expensive) gift to share and add to the excitement and specialness of the day then the wedding is no longer just about you. If you are footing the bill and want to do your own thing, if people come or not you don't care then fine, it is your choice but I have also seen where people do that then complain that nobody came.

When I got married we had not lived together but between the two of us we had all the sheets, towels, plates, whatever to outfit our home but those things were our stuff, mis-matches, college stuff. We registered for nice, new things that were ours together. Sheets that only we will have slept on together, dishes only we will have eaten on together. Our old stuff we donated and or gave away to friends. We got new towels, new pots and pans, cooking utensils we needed to cook nice meals together. We didn't get 5 butter dishes, no fine china that gathers dust. Almost 5 years later we are still eating off our nice matching dishes, still cooking together with our wonderful pots and pans, still drying off and enjoying our matching towels, and enjoying our wonderful new mattress, with wonderful new high thread count sheets, under our awesome down blanket with beautiful duvet cover on our awesome pillows. These things are our things, in our home, that we built when we joined together in marriage. This, to me, is what marriage and wedding gifts are about…the new home that is created when two people join in marriage.

Backpacking and climbing may be an activity the married couple enjoy together every week for the rest of their lives but, it is a hobby and in my opinion, has nothing to do with a wedding.

All that said, I give cash in an envelope with a card for wedding gifts. Folks can buy whatever they want with it but that is not typically how Aunt Suzie and Uncle Jim feel. Aunt Suzie and Uncle Jim want to feel good about giving a gift for the new home of the bride and groom, not feel bad that the $350 pot and pan set they gave you is boring compared with the snowboard set Aunt Sally gave you.

BTW I don't think it is rude, just not appropriate for the occasion.

[Jacob D]

Without making a bunch of assumptions about who is paying for what, what gifts are supposed to represent to you or the people who give them, and which relatives want to buy you X, and whether or not hobbies will come and go….

Registering at REI (or where ever) is not rude at all.

It's awesome that you two can enjoy the outdoors and backpacking together. If you were my friends, or relatives, I would be very happy to know I was giving you a gift that would help you to have that experience.

[Jacob D]

…when you register at a store, the store tracks when people have bought that item off your registery. So on wedding day, you don't end up with 15 Osprey Exos 58 packs (what a tragedy that would be!) :)

It's all whatever to me, we eloped, so we didn't get any gifts! haha!

Too funny, Kier! We eloped also. Maybe I should start a thread, "Is it too late to fill a second-wedding registry with backpacking gear?"

If group consensus approves then I'll have to get that ceremony in order :D

[Dale Wambaugh]

We should all chip in and send the couple an REI gift card just to press the point :)

[Paul Magnanti]

>>This, to me, is what marriage and wedding gifts are about…the new home that is >>created when two people join in marriage.

What if two people are already in a current home and have that nice mattress you mentioned?

I doubt there will $350 gifts from my relatives. You want to adopt me by any chance??? A bit more modest of a background it seems in my family. ;) As mentioned, I never even heard of wedding registry until a I was about 30.

In fairness, I think a registry makes more sense if you are young couple who are just starting out. We are both 37 and don't really need anything. And to reverse your numbers, my parents will know perhaps (at best) 10% of the people there.

Finally, I don't think a wedding and a marriage is a about gifts at all. It is about celebrating the start of a new stage in our lives and sharing it with

Guess I will be iconoclastic, not have a registry (or rather being traditional perhaps, really), and know people are already looking forward to a low key affair that does not involves gifts. I know because we went to a similar wedding in Crested Butte and had a blast. But it was a bunch of hiker trash…so who knows. :D

[Ty Ty]

Let me ask ya'll this…

If my wife and I were into race cars, would it be appropriate to register at Summit Racing and get car parts, helmets, and tires for our wedding?

What if we are both into fishing, okay to register at Bass Pro Shops?

How about if we are into Harley's and we want a chromed out exhaust, leather chaps, and air filters for our bikes?

[Paul Magnanti]

Heck yeah!

That sounds awesome actually.

But, we in Colorado are weird. Almost every wedding I've been to out here, people ARE registered at REI. I kid you not.

D@mn, I'd love to see one of those three things.

Great idea!

"Our hobbies" are actually a major part of our lives. It is how we met, why we moved to Colorado, and how we are planning the next stage in our careers (we want to work less so we can be outside more).

So, if I was Harley rider, why not?

Best idea I've heard for a registry yet. Very cool!

[P. Larson]

Didn't this registry thing start way back when people got married right out of high school? When the married couple used to live with their parents and owned nothing?

Hell, the last thing I need is another blender, toaster, a set of flat wear, forks, spoons, plates, and no, I don't need a stinking huge bowl. I don't care that it's made of crystal. I'm not a materialistic person and I don't need that garbage.

BTW…if I am ever invited to any of your weddings and you register at one of those places, expect an American Express gift card. =)

The last wedding I went to, the couple asked for either trip credits for their honeymoon cruise so they could do a few of the activities or REI gift cards because they were torn between buying 2 different bigger items.

[Ty Ty]

Paul – Yes $350 would be a nice gift, only got a couple of those from close relatives.

I agree your wedding is different. I assumed since Logan said both parents were against it, that he is concerned with what his folks think, and he looks kind of younger in the profile picture that his folks are probably more involved, I assumed possible having the more traditional family wedding where the guest list would be mostly family, family friends, that sort of thing. Maybe I am assuming too much.

I didn't say marriage is about gifts, I said marriage is about the formation of a new home…hence the reason why wedding gifts have traditionally always been gifts for the new home not just buying them things that fit their fancy or outfitting them for their favorite hobby. I guess that is my point, it is not supposed to be about gifts per say (although a lot of it has turned into that) it started from the family and friends wanting to help the new couple create a comfortable home.

I agree with your suggestion that weddings should be low key. In my opinion weddings should be at home and gifts should be a potluck dish to add to the food table.

[Art …]

hmmm ?
3 pages about a wedding registry ?
on BPL ?
weddings should be small (anyone can get married).
25 year anniversaries should be big (not everyone can do this).

[Dutch Anderson]

My daughter did just that. REI and all. She and her hubby really stocked up on needed supplies for their recreational life. It's all about what you are about. They ain't the china and crystal type.

[Ty Ty]

HA! So went for a job/walk with my wife tonight and asked her, she says registering at places like REI is appropriate and common. She said she agrees it is not traditional but that everybody does it these days and it is no big deal so I stand corrected. She said if the parents object for the wedding you could have a 'Camping Shower' sort of deal where your closer friends and family did the camping stuff then for the main wedding you stick with the traditional registry. She reminded me that I had a tool shower thrown for me which I had not forgotten about, in my opinion though that is for the home since the tools are used 99% of the time fixing stuff around the house but I guess that could be argued either way.

However, I am not giving up my opinion that this is not inline with the original idea of helping the new couple build their home together. But that is my opinion, apparently most people don't agree with me.

[Author]

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