What size backpack for my Wife?

[Cayenne Redmonk]

So ladies, how much weight do you carry when you really aren't interested in backpacking, don't have your own kit, and are just going along with your partner because they want you to be part of their activities ?

[Kattt]

So ladies, how much weight do you carry when you really aren't interested in backpacking, don't have your own kit, and are just going along with your partner because they want you to be part of their activities ?

Point taken Cameron. Just could not quite see it like that. Just goes to show I fall into my own trap and somehow think that most women really, secretly want to do all that.

[Mary D]

I'm just wondering what the reaction would be here if I asked the following question:

"My husband isn't interested in backpacking, but he says he's willing to come with me for one trip. He has no experience and no gear. Can you women who backpack with your husbands suggest a pack that I could get him? What size? How much weight should I expect him to carry?"

[BlackHatGuy]

"While Sumi's tone may have been a bit harsh, considering an innocent and well meaning question,"

And that was the sole point of my post. Yup, Sumi had an excellent point to make. But to do so under some sort of outrage was, IMO, silly. A guy asked other guys for advice. What a shock.

"Also, if we come on strong, we are Bitching you out, but when men come on strong…it does not quite get a name like that."

As far as my use of the term, I was simply using the same language Sumi used. But to the larger point, actually I've used the same phrase referring to guys who 'yelled' at me. You can say the term itself, regardless of which sex it's used to describe, is offensive, and I can understand that point.

[BlackHatGuy]

"I'm just wondering what the reaction would be here if I asked the following question:

"My husband isn't interested in backpacking, but he says he's willing to come with me for one trip. He has no experience and no gear. Can you women who backpack with your husbands suggest a pack that I could get him? What size? How much weight should I expect him to carry?""

I think you might have gotten a few good natured responses about excluding men, but not rants. I think a bunch of guys wouldn't have even done the ribbing and just answered your question. I think you would have gotten a few joke responses that were obvious jokes. And then, of course, there would have been my response.

In any case, the thread would have drifted to the environmental impact of husbands/packs/backpacking/cuben or the death rate for driving to the trailhead as opposed to dying in the woods within a page or two.

[Kattt]

Your point is taken too, Doug. However, in all the flaming wars, in China, in Cuben, at Rei, many posts and remarks would have warranted that word more than in this case. But she did use it herself, so what else can I say. I use the word too, but try to not just apply it to women, because it's a behavior that crosses genders.

[John Nausieda]

My husband isn't interested in backpacking, but he says he's willing to come with me for one trip. He has no experience and no gear. Can you women who backpack with your husbands suggest a pack that I could get him? What size? How much weight should I expect him to carry?"

A Pink Hello Kitty backpack. Put a Mylar Helium balloon of your choice in it. Seriously This guy is just asking about equipment as half the team.

[EndoftheTrail]

MaryD:

I find no issue with your hypothetical question at all. For those who do, I would wonder if they aren't the type that would mount every high horse they see — just so they can put down others for being "offensive" and to let others know just how enlightened they themselves are! Mary, are you that type of a person?

[Cayenne Redmonk]

Success is the greatest teacher.

If you don't deliver a good experience on the first trip, there won't be a second.

I generally use that as the guideline for determining how much a new person carries.

[BlackHatGuy]

"Mary, are you that type of a person?"

I'll take that one, even though it's not directed to me or any of my business (if I waited to be asked or only responded to things that were my business, I'd never get to say anything……)

No. hikinggranny has been on here a lot longer than I have, and I think her history of posts speaks for itself. She's also been kind enough to answer questions for me via PM. She asked a valid question in relation to the way the thread has drifted. FWIW

[T kawa]

Just wondering if there is a known % of male vs female on BPL?

sidenote, I posted a while back looking for women's gear list's, because I looked and found 1.

addition: also, you don't make ppl "aware" by pointing things out and using an unfriendly tone… being a "Dick" usually doesn't make ppl "hear" what you're saying…. (this is america though, so you're very likely to get your way =D)

[EndoftheTrail]

Katharina:

I use the B-word a lot — when bantering. I am absolutely delighted that the expression is now commonly used regardless of gender!

To me, there is a great difference between a banter and a slur. And it is not in the vocabulary, because the exact same words are often used.

A slur — which is by definition intentional — has no place in any conversation — regardless of whether it's racial or sexist or demeaning in any other way. A banter? Well, that depends… which is why life is both "art" and "science".

[EndoftheTrail]

""Mary, are you that type of a person?"

I'll take that one, even though it's not directed to me or any of my business (if I waited to be asked or only responded to things that were my business, I'd never get to say anything……)

No. hikinggranny has been on here a lot longer than I have, and I think her history of posts speaks for itself. She's also been kind enough to answer questions for me via PM. She asked a valid question in relation to the way the thread has drifted. FWIW"

Exactly! Methinks it's become increasingly silly how some people jump on the "I'm offended" bandwagon. Sure, it can be hard to discern "intention" through an LCD screen — but before publicly belittling someone for offense — one can take a few minutes to look into (1) situational context and (2) history / pattern. Not all "poor wording" constitutes offense!

Truth be told, it DIDN'T occur to me that OP's question was "poorly worded". However, Sumi opened my eyes to how this could cause others (in this case women hikers) to feel "left out" for the wrong reasons! Op responded immediately with "point taken"

Methinks that should have been the end of it. But then, seems like a few just like to jump on the high horse every time an opportunity comes along… Not necessarily this particular thread.. but when it happens, it often turns a "teaching moment" into a "defensive moment" — and thus wasted.

[Tim Zen]

Bought her the same make and model pack, just a smaller size. We split the weight fairly evenly.

[Mark Ries]

I just still want to know if Kimberly Wersal has a sister (who is single and backpacks like she does)

[EndoftheTrail]

Mark,

Your answer just a few clicks away. :)

[Kattt]

"
addition: also, you don't make ppl "aware" by pointing things out and using an unfriendly tone… being a "Dick" usually doesn't make ppl "hear" what you're saying…. (this is america though, so you're very likely to get your way =D)"

True Russ. Now, hopefully you will make this suggestion to the many, many posters in others threads, where your suggestion is much, much, needed. Again, of all the posts I have read this week, this one caused more flames that seem warranted.

[Martha S.]

…but I'll try to answer what I think was being asked…

The pack I've used over the past several years is a woman's REI UL 45. It's light (especially since I sliced a bunch of stuff off it) but still has a frame and is very comfortable.

(I have a woman's sleeping bag too. I'd urge you / your wife to get woman-specific gear whenever it's reasonable to do so — unless she's built like a boy it just fits and functions better IMHO.)

I carry 12-14 pounds in my base, 3-season pack. I'm working on getting that a tad lower, but that's me — middle-aged and trying to save my knees for the future. I've carried 20 to 40 lbs base weight when I was younger, before my brains came in. Any average, fit woman could probably do the same. (Whether she enjoys it or not is another question).

This weight / pack includes everything I need, since my husband can't get away nearly as often as I can. That said, it's a matter of pride with me to carry my own stuff plus half the shared gear when we're both backpacking.

I hope that helped to answer your (now invisible) questions. If you have additional questions, do ask — I'm always glad to help a sister hit the trail.

[Travis Leanna]

Wow. Just read this thread. Between this and all the other ones going on, this truly is the "I've got a thorn in my butt because I've been stuck inside all winter and now I'm going to take it out on the people on the forums" time of year.

It's not just here. More and more, it doesn't matter what anyone says or does, they're going to hear about it from someone who's taken offense!

[Elliott Wolin]

"I've carried 20 to 40 lbs base weight when I was younger, before my brains came in."

Me too…ain't it the truth!

[Karple T]

I have found an awesome way to look at gear for my wife is by looking through the posts of women on here. And I have gotten great feedback to questions I posted about gear for her.

What I’ve been able to do that has really helped a lot, is look at the accounts of women like Kat and Mary and others and see the posts they have made about the backpacks they have tried and are using or other gear like quilts and what worked and what didn't.

What I discovered that I was surprised by is how different her needs are than mine and what a difference her size makes. I would probably never have learned that talking to other men.

My wife doesn’t like to look for anything new or better than what she has. She gets attached to her stuff and I understand that.

The fact that I can say to her this is something I was reading other women backpackers like a lot or that other women suggested to me, makes her more interested in trying it.

My motive as I’m sure was the OP of this thread, is to make the experience of being together doing something we both love as comfortable as possible for her because that really matters to me. For some reason I want her to be more comfortable than she is now and I keep looking for ways to make that possible.

Having this kind of information available is really invaluable. It’s just one more thing that makes this community so helpful in making good decisions about gear. (And emptying your bank account!)

By the way, I would never split the weight with my wife. I carry the heavy stuff, that’s what a man does for the woman they love. Not because she is weaker or unable to, but because she deserves that.

[Mark Hudson]

I have the same problem with my wife and gear. I am always the one trying to get her lighter stuff and new stuff that might be warmer or more comfortable.

of course after 17 years she has kinda gotten use to me showing up with a new toy for her and proclaiming this will make her more comfortable…etc.

but on the other hand we both carry about the same weight as we both have to carry the food for 3 of us (my kid gets the light pack, but then again he is 100 lbs soaking wet)

[Kimberly Wersal]

Sorry, Mark R.– my sister is 40 lbs. overweight, has asthma and smokes….

Craig– I, like you, am always looking for ways to make my spouse more comfy/happy on the trail (okay, partly because I'm afraid he'll decide it's all too much work, and stop coming along). I'm happy going solo, but it's just more fun sharing the experience with him. He would probably be content with his older gear–I'm the one always shopping for a new pack/down bag, etc. for him. I'm constantly rethinking gear options to make him enjoy our trips more and, of course, GOOD food.

OP: I love my ULA Conduit (with Montbell UL pad in the pad inserts)–but notice that some women prefer some kind of frame for less weight on the shoulders. I got my spouse a Ohm because I thought he might like a light "frame".

Good luck. Hope she loves her new pack!

[David Spell]

Thanks for all of the great advice. It gives me a better idea of what packs she should look for And try on (Terri does like to hike, but I'm the one who obsesses and researches).

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