Where does one find…?

[Elena Lee]

You guys are funny. Bitching about not finding wives, but don't want to do anything "above and beyond" about it. Just look at your map (global map I mean). there are countries outside of US. sorry, if american girls are reading this and yes, i know , not everyone's the same, but it is much more efficient to find an "un-expecting" female outside of this country. it's not just my opinion.

[Sarah Kirkconnell]

"Efficient"? What a priceless way to describe finding a wife and life partner. Sure, if you are into buying a wife and child producer go ahead. Sorry, I lived in a west coast Navy town for many years and that is exactly what it is: buying a wife from a poorer country than ours. Of course the women are "obedient" and more willing to follow traditional rules – they are often the sole support for the entire family left behind! They often work in the US so they can send money back home. One daughter married off can mean the world.

I myself am the product of a Phillipa/Norwegian Grandmother who ended up on a lonely cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere during WWII. And endured a horrid existence! I have often wondered how much her spirit was broken to be a "good" wife. She left my Grandfather finally (who was a jerk beyond belief) and was forced to give up her children to him. The children were the only good thing for her!

The real key in finding a partner in life is doing the things you love – get involved, be relaxed and you may meet that someone who is right. If things are not working out currently, change your game plans. It isn't easy meeting people but can pay off. Having your partner be your friend is priceless – rather than a partner who fears they may get sent back home if they fail in some way!

[Diane “Piper” Soini]

What is an '"un-expecting" female'?

[BlackHatGuy]

"What is an '"un-expecting" female'?"

One who is not pregnant? That's my best guess! ;-)

[Anonymous]

"One who is not pregnant? That's my best guess! ;-)"

Or one who is not expecting to be expecting? ;-}

[EndoftheTrail]

Vadim:

In the beginning — for a very brief time — the world was wonderful and everything was cool for Adam — until a woman entered his world and endless disasters followed.

Don't make the same mistake!!

[Link .]

.

[D S]

Found my wife 60 feet underwater…on a dive trip. That's what I call 'takin the plunge.'

My advice, not that you asked or need it, do what you love to do and find someone who loves doing that too!

Like the lyric says, "In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours," if you find it while NOT looking for it…now you've really got something.

couch….who's never really on the couch.

[Rog Tallbloke]

Make yourself poor by hiking more than working. Meet a girl as poor as yourself who wants to travel. MYOG as much as possible and go for it.

Works for me.

[Bryce]

Check meetup.com for groups in your local area that get together to do things you are interested in. In my area there are plenty of outdoorsy groups…and no, the groups aren't filled with women, but a decent amount. But that is the secondary goal perhaps, the first goal is doing something u like with like-minded people!

[Anonymous]

"everything was cool for Adam — until a woman entered his world and endless disasters followed."

It was the snake, Ben, the snake. ;-]

[EndoftheTrail]

Hey, that snake was just fine until the woman showed!!

[W I S N E R !]

"If you want to believe fairy tails and women haters take bens advice to heart."

Thanks Anna!
+1000

[BlackHatGuy]

nm

[George Matthews]

No pun intended but sometimes it's good to think outside the box.

You might find the love of your life when you are both not doing what you love doing i.e., not finding another backpacker while backpacking.

Maybe you'll find that person in a crowded, loud disco because neither of you really like the music or style of dancing. You were just there with insistent friends. You meet because you are both the only two sitting at the table. Then maybe almost 34 years later you are still with and love that person. All because you happened to be two fish out of water during a moment in your life.

Maybe that person lets you hike solo most of the time because you want to, but every now and then backpacks a week with you. But almost every weekend except during Winter, there are times when she has dirt under her finger nails from digging in the garden and skin with that slightly salty taste.

P.S.

About the Eve post above: the snake is a metaphor.

[EndoftheTrail]

"About the Eve post above: the snake is a metaphor."

Yes, but Eve certainly wasn't!

(I'm sure everyone except Anna and Craig realize this "warning" about Adam and Eve is just silly bantering, right?)

[Miguel Arboleda]

Of course the women are "obedient" and more willing to follow traditional rules – they are often the sole support for the entire family left behind! They often work in the US so they can send money back home. One daughter married off can mean the world.

As a half Filipino who grew up in Japan I have to deeply object to the first statement, and then ask how you can say the women are "more obedient" and then explain why they do it, as if somehow the rest of the family (with the implication that the men somehow see their daughters as chattel) is not aware of the sacrifice the women are making? It's a Western world myth that Asian women are "obedient". Anyone here who has been married to an Asian or has a sister who is Asian can attest to this. If you are referring to the Asian trait of thinking first of the family, that is a culture-wide characteristic that both men and women follow, not just the women. Men in Japan have a far more difficult time than women following their dreams because they are expected, almost without exception, to get into one of the big companies and become "salary men". The women on the other hand can choose what they want to do. From there it is more difficult for them. Those Japanese women on the online marriage sites are without exception voluntarily choosing to look for western men (it's got little to do with financial gain… Japan is doing fine, thank yo very much), one, because most of them don't like Japanese men and the stultifying salaryman lifestyle men must follow here, and two, because they have "grass-is-greener" notions that men in other countries are more romantic, are more "gentlemanly". One out of two marriages between Japanese and non-Japanese ends in divorce… and usually initiated by the women.

As to people from the desperately poor countries… yes, the women are "selling" themselves for the sake of their families. If you think that the women or the families don't feel agony over having to swallow their pride and break up their families for the sake of survival, or that other member of the family prefer their daughters and sisters to go live with strange people in a strange land, then you are not seeing them as human beings. There is no destitution in the United States as awful and desperate as the poverty in the "Third and Fourth Worlds" (for lack of a better description). If you've seen it then you know what I mean. These people have NOTHING!!! Most people on BPL cannot even imagine just how bad the living conditions are for them. I've visited and stayed with families living on the enormous garbage dump just outside Manila called "Smokey Mountain", where people scratch out a living dwelling on garbage. It sickens you and is far more disturbing than most people are willing to even acknowledge exists. All throughout the Philippines (even the name of the "Philippines"… the "islands of King Philip" shows you how much this place was ravaged by first the Chinese, then the Spanish, then the Americans over the centuries and why the Filipinos have never been able to get themselves together. To this day the traditional pineapple fiber white shirt with the shirt tails outside the pants symbolizes the Filipino defiance and resistance to the invaders who enslaved them… hence the shirt tails outside the pants), but mostly around Manila you will find people living in cardboard hovels next to train tracks and highways, just barely eking out a living. The families do their best to stay together and help one another survive in these circumstances and having one person in the family go abroad to live with a "rich" Westerner is a dream come true for most of them. When it comes down to wondering where your next meal is going to come from, getting decent housing for your family, or getting a simple education for your children, nothing is beneath your pride to get these things. Men don't do the online marriage thing because what Westerner in their right mind would marry a desperately poor man from Asia? Perhaps that says something about Western women? I don't know.

I'm pretty sure that most of the people here, were they in the same circumstance, including those who object to what the women are doing, would do the same things. But most of you have never had to think about survival in those terms. The funny thing is in my travels in the Philippines and meeting many many of the poor people they were almost universally cheerful and full of hope, even the people on Smokey Mountain and in Tondo. I hardly ever came across cynicism or pessimism. I certainly can't say the same thing for people from the States or Europe. (or Japan for that matter). I suspect it is this positive and unencumbered way of seeing life that gives the women, and men, the strength to give up everything they know to take care of their families.

[George Matthews]

Good post Miguel.

Funny how certain comments, seemingly innocent or perhaps naive, can invoke passionate responses especially from those living versus merely observing the situation.

I'm the offspring of a US Army sergeant and one of those foreigner brides. Growing up as a army brat, as we were called, on military forts/bases you thought it normal to have a US dad and Asian or German or wherever else US men were stationed. There was also a good mix of US parent from north, south, west, east. All colors. Some nice. Some mean. We learned that you can not judge a person by their accent or color, but by what they do. That's who they are.

All of us are doing the best we can to have the best life we can. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

"No pun intended but sometimes it's good to think outside the box."

Ever tried thinking inside the box?

[EndoftheTrail]

"Ever tried thinking inside the box?"

Oh, you mean a traditional courtship followed by holy matrimony?

[Anonymous]

"It's a Western world myth that Asian women are "obedient". Anyone here who has been married to an Asian or has a sister who is Asian can attest to this"

I'm here to attest. +100!

"The funny thing is in my travels in the Philippines and meeting many many of the poor people they were almost universally cheerful and full of hope, even the people on Smokey Mountain and in Tondo. I hardly ever came across cynicism or pessimism."

How universally true. My feeling is that cynicism and pessimism are luxuries that only the affluent can afford.

[Miguel Arboleda]

George, your comment forced me to re-evaluate my own prejudices. I grew up with a lot of army brats and was often forced by my international school here in Tokyo to go participate in activities on the bases. I intensely disliked a lot of army brat kids because they tended to be bullies in my school and looked down on the rest of us "Others" (non-white kids from various places in the world). I still feel the strong objections to having US military forces occupy my own country (Germany) and places which are important to me (the Philippines and Japan), and it's infuriating sometimes to have people tell me "You complain when we are, but then complain when we aren't here!" (which I won't argue with here). Suffice it to say I have visceral reactions to Army people based on past experience.

But you just opened my eyes to a new reality of the American presence around the world. There has been enough time now for several generations of mixed families to grow up and evaluate their identities as children of mixed parentage. With American soldiers falling in love with and marrying non-Americans, many of them non-white and from under-privilged backgrounds, the children that are born from them cannot help but see the world in a new way. And there are so many of them! That has got to change the world somehow.

I have to acknowledge this. It makes me see something good come out of the occupations.

[EndoftheTrail]

Miguel:

I think one way to make things easier for each passing generation is to keep increasing the percentage of mutts. And not just racial mutts — but cultural mutts as well.

Racially, I am 100% Chinese. Culturally, I am 100% mutt. Knowing how every culture has both good and bad attributes, I "squirm" whenever I encounter "rah rah" patriotism ("We're Number One"!) — no matter whether it's USA or China or Russia or whatever.

To me, the Olympics would be so much more enjoyable if everyone can just sit back and enjoy/admire/appreciate the prowess of the human body and spirit — and not "us" vs. "them"!

An appropriate dose of patriotism does have its place. But if I have my way, I would BANISH national flags from all churches, mosques, and temples.

And what better place to build the United World of Mutts than in the family!

[Miguel Arboleda]

Here, here to mongrel and mutts, Ben! I am African-American/ Native American (Gullah, from South Carolina) on my paternal grandmother's side, Filipino/ Chinese on my paternal grandfather's side (many, many Chinese descendants in the Philippines), and German/ Danish on my mother's side. I grew up in Germany, the States, and Japan, going to an international school. I have absolutely no idea what in tarnation I am. All I can say is that it sure makes answering people's questions about where I am from really, really hard, especially when I don't answer nice and succinctly as most people expect. Actually it's quite funny seeing their faces change from this chipper bright expression to gradually more and more in knots with confusion and latent disappointment. People tend to like boxes, nice and neat!

I suspect this is the defining motivation for Obama's recent signing his racial identity as African American… he was just totally fed up with having to explain to everyone all the time! "Sheesh! It takes me half an hour to clear up people's heads about who I am, so why no just get it over with and ease their little worrying noggins with simple simple they can grasp?"

[EndoftheTrail]

"I am African-American/ Native American (Gullah, from South Carolina) on my paternal grandmother's side, Filipino/ Chinese on my paternal grandfather's side (many, many Chinese descendants in the Philippines), and German/ Danish on my mother's side. "

Good gawd!! My parents were born in the same city — their distant forebears hail from two provinces right next door to each other. Boring…. :)

[Author]

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