Fear of sleeping outside?

I'm intuiting that her parents may have (unwittingly, I'm sure) instilled this fear in her (you state that they didn't "do" nature). They may have said things about scary animals, scary conditions, etc., which an impressionable child stored away as "fact".

I think the path may lie in talk therapy with a professional (specialized in issues stemming from fears), combined with a tranquilizer for the first couple of nights.

OTOH, maybe sleeping in the wilderness is just not for her…

I guess it depends on what she's actually afraid of, can she articulate that?

One thing that I'd suggest is to take her out when there's a full moon, preferably somewhere that's not dense forest. Ideally somewhere like the Sierras above treeline, where it's exceptionally beautiful in the moonlight. Take her for a short hike by moonlight. At first, every rock may look like a bear, and she may jump at every shadow. But eventually it might help her to grasp at a gut level that things are really just the same at night, and monsters do not come. Or, the monsters may come. In which case, she was right all along.

Not just meditation, but mindfulness meditation. If she isn't already doing mindfulness meditation, she should practice it for a bit before taking it outside, so to speak. Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana is a great book to start with.

I don't see light on your list.

This made me think of backyard camping as kids, and Boy Scouts with kids who hadn't camped out before. Parents leaving their porch lights on, lanterns left on low under a communal tarp, and kids burning through a set of D cell batteries every night…it was like a security blanket. They wanted light, even if they were inside a tent, and couldn't actually see much of anything with it.

While at home, she can sleep on a porch or patio. It also helps to simply sleep on a firm floor inside, like a carpet, in preparation for the outdoor trip. Then sleep in the backyard, or the backyard of a neighbor. At first, a full-on tent can be used to filter out some of the outdoor sounds. Later, any sort of shelter or even cowboy camping may be successful.

Some people find the sound of a crackling campfire to be soothing. Others feel that unsupervised fire is a big risk. So, I guess you have to play a campfire MP3 track on your sound player. What is the world coming to?

–B.G.–

How about purchasing a big tent such as a pyramid and getting your
friend to sleep in it with a few other people she trusts.

Just a thought.

I've cured my deathly fear of sleeping indoors by sleeping outside every night.

I used to be afraid of things in the dark.

Then I decided that the things in the dark should be afraid of me.

It's amazing what a stubborn state of mind can accomplish.

Works wonders ..

But not a real bear !!!

;)

It might help if your friend watched a couple of movies. I'd suggest Night of the Grizzlies or The Blair Witch Project.

No, but seriously, I think your friend should face her fears head on. She needs to do an overnight by herself in a wooded area that's far enough away from houses to get the wilderness effect, but not so far that she becomes terrified. It does however need to be a situation where she can't back out and walk out with a headlamp when it gets dark.

Your friend would of course be scared as darkness set in. She'd imagine the sounds of small nocturnal animals to be that of Bigfoot or man-eating predators. Yet after a night or two she'd get over her fears.
I'd also suggest earplugs.

"Irrational" is maybe too much of a judgement, it might not be irrational to HER.
To get over it she simply has to want it enough to get over it. If she does not want it or sees no value in sleeping outdoors then she won't do it.

So, how about a little out of the box thinking — why sleep at night? Napping on a warm rock in the middle of the day is a good alternative and awake at night can be fun. The problem with fears is that they play on common 'rules' that we grow up with. I won't go down the rules are made to be broken route, but maybe just some unorthodox thinking is warranted.

Is she afraid of sitting in the dark around a campfire? If she can stay up late with friends after a long day of hiking she should drop off a lot faster then if she goes to bed early and not tired.

"A good friend of mine … has an irrational fear of sleeping outdoors."

Then by definition, there is no rational solution. (Not being glib.)

As Valerie suggests, "… the path may lie in talk …" You will be spinning your wheels until she can articulate something about her fear, or what the difference is between inside and four walls versus outside sky, sights, and sounds.

To help her get there, consider a progression of sleep situations that lead to the "wild" outdoors – On the floor in the living room, on the patio, in the middle of the yard, in the yard of someone's rural home, etc. Maybe it means sitting out all night with giant flashlights. Or in a Big tent. Let her define each challenge. Just step by step, talking through each one until, hopefully, a rational perspective develops.

Some people do have a recognized irrational fear that they are not able to overcome. In most cases a tolerance or acceptance can be developed.

[…]

As an actual professional who does actual therapy with actual anxious people, here are a few suggestions to help her.

Some of the most successful methods of handling anxiety include exposure therapy, EMDR, and cognitive behavior therapy. For best results with EMDR, one needs to find a certified EMDR therapist, and if she is having actual panic attacks or symptoms of them (racing heart, hyperventilation, feeling like she will die, shaking/trembling, etc) this is the route that may turn it around for her. An EMDR therapist can also walk her through coping skills to help her further diminish anxiety – we all have some CBT techniques under our belts, as well as lots of coaching with the coping skills. There is actually a self help book that leads a layperson through a very basic EMDR method – this might help someone having mild anxiety. (I followed a trained EMDR therapist on her quest to climb Half Dome – she used EMDR on herself to make it up the cables.)

If she is anxious but not panicking, perhaps just unable to sleep and having some hypervigilance (jumpy and tense and thinking every noise is a BEAR OH GOD or an axe murderer), cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation techniques (breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation) and some exposure therapy would be useful. She can try a self help route (there are workbooks all over amazon) and if it doesn't help perhaps an actual therapist could get some traction.

If she's just sort of worried and having difficulty falling asleep until she's exhausted, then waking up repeatedly – an MP3 player, someone to talk to to distract her, relaxation exercises, even some mild sleep remedy like a valerian or melatonin or benadryl can help.

Any of these a doctor can add anti-anxiety meds as a temporary stopgap while she works through the fears.

Gradual exposure would run similar to what we do to test gear, but with more baby steps. Sleep on the living room floor on the pad in the sleeping bag. Sleep on the living room floor with the patio door open. Sleep on the back porch with a light on. Sleep out on the grass in a tent with a porch light on. Sleep out on the grass in a tent with the light off and a lamp close by. You only move to the next stage when you can relax yourself at the one you're on. Add in car camping for a while, add in the MP3 player and other assistance if needed in the later stages. Mix and match, different things work for different people.

Lots of good responses that collectively said everything I'm going to say already. As someone who never spent time in the woods growing up my first foray into backpacking as an adult lead me to discover I didn't sleep very well in the woods as every little sound scared me. The two best solutions in my personal experience are to just get out there and do it and the fear will subside over time, in my case relatively rapidly. 10 nights sleeping out in the woods was plenty. The other is to go with 3 or more people at all times. I found the added bodies early on in my experience to be comforting on a number of levels.

It simply comes down to desire. Does she desire to be comfortable out there enough to be willing to work through it by being uncomfortable at first? If so she will be fine. If not, chances are slim she will get through it.

"It simply comes down to desire."

Actually, no… not always. OP used the word 'phobia' – although it's impossible to discern the degree / intensity of fear through a computer screen…

Sometimes, I think it takes a person with a phobia to appreciate the phobias in others. I myself have a rather 'ridiculous' phobia. I have an intense fear of this thing that can't possibly do me any harm. And yes, I know it. Folks without phobias (like my dad) have tried 'explaining' to me about how stupid my phobia is. And you know what? Even after knowing all that — if you were to give me a thousand dollars to confront my phobia for just one lousy minute — I would forgo the thousand dollars in a heartbeat! Yeah, that's how irrational, emotional and powerful a phobia can be.

Believe me, I would LOVE to move beyond this stupid phobia of mine — I am not a fearful person — I have jumped out of airplanes for the thrill of it — but I cannot confront this phobia of mine… so I live with it. Logically, it's "personal choice", sure, but emotionally… it's… different.

I can't speak for OP's friend. Maybe she can take some of the suggestions offered. Or choose to be content with day hikes. It's not the ideal, but there are plenty of great Nature experiences within a day's walk from countless trail heads…

Hiking is supposed to be fun, right?

I knew the BPL community would come through!

I agree with Logan. Lots of good responses that collectively said everything that will get her on a good track to practice some of the methods mentioned above.

Thank you to everyone for your help!

Lori,

My friend would like to know what specific books you would recommend – thanks.

The EMDR self help is Getting Past Your Past by Frances Shapiro, who started EMDR and continues to refine it. PTSD is an anxiety disorder and EMDR originally came about to treat that, but it can be effective for other issues. there is also Tapping In, another EMDR book for the lay person.

Thoughts & Feelings by McKay Davis and Fanning is a cognitive behavioral self help that provides a basic understanding of techniques to address a variety of issues.

The Anxiety and Phobia workbook by Edmund Bourne is coming out in the sixth edition this March. It is anxiety specific with relaxation and CBT to address a variety of non trauma based anxieties

Good luck!

"I don't see light on your list.

This made me think of backyard camping as kids, and Boy Scouts with kids who hadn't camped out before. Parents leaving their porch lights on, lanterns left on low under a communal tarp, and kids burning through a set of D cell batteries every night…it was like a security blanket. They wanted light, even if they were inside a tent, and couldn't actually see much of anything with it."

We used to use glowsticks in the little loft that most car tents have. I also used to use the glow necklaces too. They're soft enough glowing to not keep you up but give you plenty light to navigate.

They also usually last for 2 nights. The second night is super dim but it still usually glows.

thinking in terms of possible baby steps — are there any reservable backcountry structures in your part of the woods?

a progression like…
backwoods cabin > backwoods yurt > big honking tent > lighter tent

Depending on what in particular spooks her, I question if campgrounds are worth it. I figure more axe murderers in the campground than the backcountry.

I like the idea about non-traditional approach to when to sleep. Maybe go on some pre-dawn hikes to ease in to nature at night?

I've found that many folks unfamiliar with the woods may think every rustle of leaves is something trying to get into their tent. For the first few times, maybe take that out of the equation with earplugs.

Ben, I'm not sure you read my post correctly. I obviously wasn't saying desire is enough to get over it, but you need a strong desire to work through the problem. To be willing to subject yourself to very uncomforable situations repeatedly would require a very strong desire on her part to change that.

And yes I read the word phobia, but I didn't read the overall post as relating to an actual phobia, but to a fear. It sounds like she has a very basic and common fear of the outdoors at night. There is a really stark difference between phobia and fear and based on the information at hand it doesn't strike me as a phobia.