Roll Your Own Toilet Paper

[Marko Botsaris]

"Mark, lol, doesn't your… poo ball… start to smell?"

You make me sound like a dung beetle! But but no more, and possibly a bit less because of the construction, than any or similar mixture of used toilet paper. It is not an issue if you have a ziplock for use toilet paper, and you can always double-bag.

Also, I don't consider not packing it out an option.

[Steven Diogenes]

Mark, I'm curious about this… according to Thruhiker, TP degrades in ten days when buried 6 inches– does that still conflict with LNT? Is there a difference between spending ten days at a site, and letting TP disappear in ten days? Is there a difference between leaving your poop under the ground to disappear (which probably takes much longer than TP), and leaving the TP under the ground to disappear? Just a few questions I'm pondering.

[Billy Ray]

"TP degrades in ten days when buried 6 inches"

I may… in some climates. But I've encountered TP in the High Sierra where it is all mineral soil and very dry that has been there for years… at least that's my estimate. But certainly a LOT longer than 10 days… and longer than one season…

Billy

[Steven Diogenes]

Billy, I didn't think of that. I imagine the rate it degrades correlates to how much life is in the soil.

What about burning it?

[Daniel Pittman]

Steven, the power of the insult (and the humor) comes from me going 'over the top' with a hyper-masculine response. I would never say anything like that in real life but I thought it was appropriate considering Critter's statement that he learned it from a Green Beret. The military is still largely a 'boys club' and misogynistic words and deeds are par for the course.

In actual fact, I am extremely pro-woman. I will raise my son to respect women as equals to men. My mother is an amazing woman, and my seven sisters are very dear to me.

I'm offended by Critter's video because it encourages people to carry and use a lot of TP. If you need that much, and you have to compact it that much, how are you planning to pack it out. If you plan on burying it, GTFO. If you plan on burning it, GTFO. If you're planning on carrying a gallon ziploc full of used TP, please don't camp near me. Just learn to wash your butt, then wash your hands. It's so much easier!

[Steven Diogenes]

Daniel, I didn't catch the military hyper-masculine part of the joke. That makes more sense and I get that you wouldn't actually say that straightforwardly. That said, even in jest, it was a still an insult (a meta-insult, I guess), that relies and reinforces a negative conception of women. I'm not saying you're not respectful of women in a bigger sense, but the language we use and the unstated ideas behind what we say play a part in a larger picture of an epidemic of violence against women. Anyway, thanks for taking it in stride and if I was too preachy, I apologize.

As far as TP, out of curiosity, why do you feel so strongly about burning or burying it?

[Daniel Pittman]

It's all good. Some forms of humor don't work so well on the internet as they do face-to-face. Thanks for allowing me to clarify.

Burning TP is a valid option in some areas. But with drought conditions all over the place, I think it's irresponsible to teach burning TP as a regular practice.

Another poster mentioned that burying doesn't work in all soils.

Washing your butthole with water or snow seems to work just about everywhere, and we all wash our hands after going to the bathroom anyway, so why bother with TP? After all, this is BPL and there's nothing lighter than leaving something at home.

I rarely use TP at home even. I usually move my bowels in the morning, then hop right into the shower before heading to work. Probably TMI, huh?

Now, someone needs to tell me what all these gals are talking about… pee rags?

[Marko Botsaris]

Daniel, THIS is why I think we need a set of universal sarcasm and irony smilies. There should be a committee set up, or something.

Life would just be too uncivilized without irony, and on this site it is pretty much required a lot of the time. Unfortunately this high art does not transfer that well online, and forces you almost to forgo subtle irony. I say next time go BIGGER and MORE obvious! Yeah, that might work!

(jumps into a figurative trench and slowly peaks over the edge to see what will happen)

[Trace Richardson]

If my knucklehead buddies didn't call me a pussy or bleeding vagina at least once every few days, I would start to think they didn't love me.

[Bob Gross]

Many decades ago, I was a young Army trainee at boot camp. We were taken to one of the training ranges where we were instructed in how to bivouac overnight. During that first night out, nature made its call, so I went digging around for some place to make a deposit. Virtually everyplace where I dug, used toilet paper would emerge from the dirt. It got disgusting pretty quickly. That is also where I learned to burn the TP whenever it was safe to do so. Buried ash will disappear pretty quickly.

In the Mount Shasta Wilderness, the forest service would issue a WAG bag to everybody on a wilderness permit for the volcano. Inside the WAG bag was some TP, some kitty litter, and one big paper bull's eye target to lay on the ground. Instructions for use had to be printed on the target.

–B.G.–

[Daniel Pittman]

When I was in Navy boot camp, our CC (uh, like a drill instructor) had to teach us how to take a 'military shower': "You filthy recruits need to wash your asses!" "Wash your whole butt… and your butt-hole." "Wash your crack, your undah, your 'tween, and your taint." "Wash all your Major parts, and your Private parts." "Y'all ain't got any hair to wash, but run a soapy hand over your scalp anyway." "Wash your feet last." "You can do all this in one minute, but in my generosity I will give you eighty seconds."

Curiously, she didn't teach us how to go to the bathroom. OTA2 Jones, thanks for everything.

[Franco Darioli]

Gary :
"I've never understood that joke, David"
The rabbit meant his own poo.
I tested that at the age of 12 (my grandparents were farmers ) .
No dang stuck to their bum (the rabbits bum, not my grandparents) but when I wiped the bull's ass with a white rabbit he turned dark brown (the rabbit not the bull).
Then the bull turned on me but that is another story.

Sorry. I corrected the colour. it was probably dark brown, but it was dark in there (the stables were, not the bull's ass)
Maybe the bull's ass was also dark but I wiped that memory out of my brain (I needed the space )

[Anonymous]

"The military is still largely a 'boys club' and misogynistic words and deeds are par for the course."

I'm reminded of a very recent conversation i had with a friend (a woman), who has been applying for jobs. Being an artist as she is, there was a guy she "interviewed" with, who was trying to start a business of drink and draw type thing and was looking for a recruiter/supervisor of sorts with an artistic background. He boasted about having been in the military for 25 years and now being retired from same.

From what she described about the way he was talking about women and his general views, well "misogynistic" doesn't seem to begin to describe it (sick/imbalanced and really immature comes closer). The US military at least is a culture wherein women are regularly and routinely sexually assaulted or harassed (as much as they try to keep this under wraps, thankfully some brave women DO sometimes come forward).

I can't say that the military made him this way, or that he would be different if he hadn't been in there for so long, but it does seem to be an amplifier of certain things (including some positive stuff too, but speaking about general views and treatment of women), and only the more decent and more mature folks like Doug, Ian, and others here we know avoid such tendencies and developments.

Can women partake of, support, and further this kind of negative culture in the military. You bet yah, there are sins of both commission and omission, unfortunately the latter is usually due to fear, or the hard heartedness that the military tries to foster and facilitate.

[Daniel Pittman]

I deal with sexism all the time.

My boss at the bike shop is a lady. Her dad owns the shop, and her grandfather started the business. She's been around bike shops her whole life, and knows more about the product than I do. I can fix them better, but there's nothing on the sales floor she can't handle. Still, sometimes she calls me out to help a customer simply because they just will not believe that a woman knows anything about bicycles.

My ex-wife moved back to California and took our car with her. When she has to take it in for service, she has me call the shop to discuss the estimate. She knows that if she doesn't get me involved they will try to f*%k her. And it's true!

If my girlfriend has an issue with a medical bill, or a customer service issue at a store, she has me take care of it. She's perfectly capable, but I get better results faster.

It's a bunch of BS and it sucks, but it's a real thing. All I can do is try to treat all my customers fairly. To me they are all idiots who don't know how to ride or maintain their bikes. Women and men are equally capable of destroying perfectly good bikes.

[Jennifer Mitol]

3 weeks before I left for my trip to Patagonia, some idiot tried to burn his toilet paper and started a massive forest fire…

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-16369649

[Donna C]

Yes, well it doesn't help when this culture starts out with "Hey Guys…" at the beginning of every sentence. Even Critter's You tube videos begin that way. Many times some don't even notice what they are saying.

[Luke Schmidt]

"Yes, well it doesn't help when this culture starts out with "Hey Guys…" at the beginning of every sentence."

I got an idea. We should all switch to the good old southern "Hey Ya'll." It won't offend anyone and northerns can quit looking down their noses at us southerners for our difference accents and phrases. Win, win, win.

[Gary Dunckel]

Franco, since bunny poop is dried pellets, of course they shouldn't stick to their soft fur. Bear scat, on the other hand, can be quite moist and will likely create a fairly brown rabbit. And then there are cows–I'm glad that it wasn't a cow that asked the rabbit that question. But, all in all, the joke still doesn't make much sense to me, even though it is rather cute if you don't questions the details. Sometimes it's hard to be an amateur scatologist, as I don't enjoy these sort of jokes as much as others do. (just let it go, Dunckel–don't ruin things for everybody else…).

[Steven Diogenes]

From packing TP to feminist analysis to balls of poop Mark carries around to amateur scatology. This is why I love the internet.

[Mitchell Ebbott]

If I can briefly go back to the original topic…

An easier method than the one in Critter's video is to simply wrap the TP around a pencil and then pull the pencil out. You can make a much neater roll that way.

[Justin Baker]

An idiot burned down a forest but burning TP is not idiotic unless there is dry and highly flammable materials nearby and wind.

[Billy Ray]

"An idiot burned down a forest but burning TP is not idiotic unless there is dry and highly flammable materials nearby and wind."

That why the NPs and Nat Forests here in CA just say to NOT burn toilet paper… period.
Rather than saying when/where it's safe and when/where it's not, they opted for the Idiot Proof Rule… 'just say no'….

Billy

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