Aug 20, 2006 at 9:05 pm #1219371
So everytime I go on a solo trip my wife does some little interesting thing to get my attention.
Today when I got home she had cleaned the acrylic bathtub with Comet, 2 weeks ago she washed the cat in Tide after giving it a haircut. In June she accidently deleted all the favorites file and all the passwords and cookies.
Now you all are thinking I’m a huge jerk, do nothing for her, do not take her anyplace, and just run off at the drop of the hat to play, well yer right.
Just kidding. I do a decent job of balancing our life and our needs, I think this has become a game and I’m losing without being invited to play.
Is Dr. Phil got any interest in SUL backpacking.Aug 20, 2006 at 9:51 pm #1361448
>> “Is Dr. Phil got any interest in SUL backpacking.” < < Does that stand for Single Ultra Light? Just kidding.Aug 21, 2006 at 5:25 am #1361456
@garkjrLocale: Southwestern Ohio
What does she do to get your attention while you’re home? (And do you feel like counting the cutlery or sleeping with one eye open?) :)Aug 21, 2006 at 9:16 am #1361463
Sounds like you need to do one of several things …
Give up your solo trips and/or backpacking to please your wife and make yourself unhappy.
Keep going on your trips and put up with the “cute” behavior.
Sit down and have a long talk with your wife, try to reach a compromise.
See a good attorney.
Personnally … I’d go the talking route, but that’s just me.Aug 21, 2006 at 9:36 am #1361466
I feel I’ve got a lot invested in the current spousal unit, emotiom,time,intangible things that really add up…this is sort of a mischievous behavior. At first I thought with the computer she was just stretching her wings but now it’s just too clever to be a coincidence. I’ll work on the communication as I really “like to talk” things to death.
Just one trip in sept. and one in oct.,how much damage can a wee little thing do?Aug 21, 2006 at 11:43 am #1361470
Speaking from over 20 years of marital experience, women are constantly “testing” men …. I don’t think that a particular reason exists … it’s just the way it is … kind of like how guys don’t like to ask for directions, etc.
You’re being tested and you’re being measured on your response.
So, I conferred with my wife to ensure that my logic was sound:
Allow me to translate: She doesn’t want you to go but she wants it to be your idea.
If it were her idea, then you might resent her for asking you not to do something you love to do.
If it is your idea, then she gets what she wants without guilt.
Just a thought … why don’t you take her with you? You haul 70% of the combined weight, pack a surprise bota of wine, some candles, some cheese, and a sleeping bag for two. Cut down the miles, take her to camp near a waterfall or hot springs, and turn it into a romantic adventure.
Your reasoning could be something like: ” I so want to be with the person I love most in this world and enjoy the place I love most in this world.”
If she’ll go with … the cat will be safe!Aug 21, 2006 at 2:54 pm #1361479
I appreciate your thoughtful comments and your wife’s insight, this probably explains the 20 years.
I was married to my first wife for quite a long time, she kinda of grew up with my dirt bag lifestyle. Unfortunately her expiration date came way too soon.
I will tell you the one thing I’ve learned, absolutely zero operating systems transfer from one significant other to the next. Nada,zip,…
Perhaps she is uncomfortable with the climbing aspect or the whole enchilada I’m not sure but I will heed you and your wife’s advice and make a nice sweet romantic bug free easy overnighter with gourmet dirt bag food and mucho ambiance.
I just canceled out of a trip in early sept. I thank you, the cat thanks you..
I also intend to steal your “line” word for word you romantic devil.Aug 22, 2006 at 9:39 am #1361507
Ron BellBPL Member
While this little tale may not help with your particular situation, is is never-the-less a pretty hardwired rule about individual human behavior.
The Scorpion and the Frog
A scorpion badly needed to get to the other side of a little stream. She could not swim. She asked a frog if he would let her ride across on her back.
The frog was leary. “You’ll just sting me when we get to the other side and I’ll die.”
“Oh No, I promise I won’t and I’ll repay the favor sometime” said the Scorpion.
The frog agreed to the ride. Just as the frog reached the other side the Scorpion stung him and lept off to dry ground.
Why did you do that asked the dying frog?
It’s just my nature said the Scorpion.
(The gender roles of the tale could be reversed.)Aug 22, 2006 at 11:55 am #1361510
Amen brotherAug 22, 2006 at 4:57 pm #1361520
Somehow I’m pretty sure I won’t be sharing this thread with the spousal unit. It’s just my nature….Aug 23, 2006 at 9:04 am #1361559
>>>>So everytime I go on a solo trip my wife does some little interesting thing to get my attention….
Larry, your wife is not gaining attention she is just plain vendictive. Next time you go out on a trip, make sure you “back up” the computer (if you don’t have the apparatus you should make the investment as it is essential equipment), put the cat in the pet resort of your choice, and buy some Soft Scrub. BTW, the idea of inviting her along once in a while is a great one. You both could have an awesome time and who knows… she may even begin to like it!Aug 23, 2006 at 4:41 pm #1361581
I may be as dense as a soggy box of cheerios but I’m starting to get the message, thanks.Aug 23, 2006 at 6:36 pm #1361584
Try: Sex… if that doesnt’ work… lots of sex… if that doesn’t work… lots of kinky sex… if that doesn’t work… at least it was fun… just a suggestion…Aug 23, 2006 at 9:12 pm #1361595
Maybe I just posted this on the wrong website after all these clothing discussions we could just skip it at backpackingreallylightnudeand rumpleydumping.Aug 25, 2006 at 5:03 pm #1361693
“She doesn’t want you to go but she wants it to be your idea. If it were her idea, then you might resent her for asking you not to do something you love to do. If it is your idea, then she gets what she wants without guilt.”
I believe your assessment, confirmed by your wife, is deadly accurate. There is one sure solution to Larry’s problem: he needs to schedule twice as many trips, but then cancel half of them–without being asked–because he “prefers to be with his wife instead.”
BillAug 28, 2006 at 8:22 am #1361825
I like it!Aug 28, 2006 at 7:10 pm #1361869
My first attempt in leveling the playing field was to take our daughter out and let her have weekend to herself, much to my suprise the cat and dog are the same color, the computer still functions, and all my lingerie is not shredded and tied in knots.
For the short term I’m just letting my backcountry goals slide but fall is the big season and I intend to schmoze my way into a couple of things.
There actually is some merit in planning more and then changing my plans, obviously asking for one weekend a month didn’t work. Let me know how the sex,sex, sex method works out because I’m just getting past the resentment,resentment, resentment one. men are from mars, women are from kelty…Aug 28, 2006 at 9:22 pm #1361880
@blewisLocale: Northern California
It’s pretty clear she is worried about you going out alone…that you may not come back and is expressing it in a weird way. Just ask her what’s up and if that’s the worry, get a backpacking partner.
Although I know all you soloists love going solo, the a basic tenet of backpacking is not to go alone because it is too dangerous.
http://lightbackpacking.comAug 29, 2006 at 6:13 am #1361900
@pivvayLocale: Rocky Mountains
I’m pretty sure most wives are universally opposed to the solo trips. I know my wife *much* prefers when I have a partner. So I compromise and go with a partner or two whenever possible and she understands that for some of my crazier trips (races) that I’m going to be solo most of the time. In those cases she knows where I will be and when I expect to be back and we talk about my equipment choices together. You can’t eliminate the danger of going solo completely but we’ve at least been able to reach a reasonable compromise/solution.Aug 29, 2006 at 6:46 am #1361901
Hey …. my Wife doesn’t like it when I solo DAY hike, let alone head out into the backcountry for a weekend.Aug 29, 2006 at 8:51 am #1361911
Geeeezz……… I’m glad I’m single!Aug 29, 2006 at 12:23 pm #1361927
@walksoftlyLocale: Piney Woods
You have to really be carefull about what you say to your spouse regarding solo hiking.
Telling dear wifie that my trail name was “Steps On Snake” was NOT SMART!!!
Telling my sweetie about the mountain lion tracks that circled my sleeping site was DEFINITELY NOT SMART!!!!
Now I try to keep everything very low key and just rant and rave about the peace and quiet of the out-of-doors. I don’t really go into details about the trip, but do try to have some pictures of the more scenic places that I visit.Aug 29, 2006 at 1:55 pm #1361942
So … having a trail name of “eaten by Grizzly” or “AccidentWaitingToHappen” probably wouldn’t inspire confidence either …
Important relationship advice!Aug 29, 2006 at 4:41 pm #1361953
You know, trail names, climbing routes, and animals seen are all taken with a left-handed sort of pride, NOW I remember telling her this summit hasn’t been repeated in a decade, that I saw 5 bears, that if there ever was a trail it’s gone now and 1100 feet of devil’s club got me back on track.
From now on it’s fuzzy bunnies on the pink fleece cloud trail for me.
What an idiot telling her about the years of S&R tales.
Way too many of my stories have a “and then the sun went down as the first snowflakes came down in earnest” part.
Soft sell the trip, take a partner, cancel out of half of the doubled number of trips, work on a nice romantic outing, make more money, lose ten pounds, keep our daughter occupied, so … I can climb Glacier Peak in Oct., yippee.Aug 29, 2006 at 6:35 pm #1361960
Jay McCombsBPL Member
Hi Larry. Your wife is using displacement. Its a defense mechanism. What she really wants to do is delete your mental favorites by cracking your nugget and eliminate your “personal” cookies.
You have to talk to your wife. She’s likely scared of something. Ask her why she doesn’t like you going camping. You said you like to talk things to death earlier, but do you ever really listen to what she’s telling you? You must find balance. Don’t make your wife compete w/camping, make camping compete w/your wife.
Serriously, if you’re really worried see a therapist. Relationships are hard, sometimes it takes someone elses perspective to help fix the little kinks.
Please send me your insurance information so I can bill them for this session.
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