How ultralighters see the world

[Rob E]

[JJ Mathes]

[Travis Leanna]

I'm SO going to use that when somebody asks me that question!

[BlackHatGuy]

…and glass is so heavy, why isn't the water in a ti mug?

[John Brochu]

A ti mug, that's crazy. I carry my drinking water in a condom cut down to size.

[Travis Leanna]

"I carry my drinking water in a condom cut down to size" ………Dual use!!

[John Brochu]

Triple use: you can also use them for a MYOG sling shots!

[Steve Cain]

Quad. What CAN'T a condom do?

(Water protection for a mini bic)

[Travis Leanna]

Steve, um…..all I'm sayin' is……I hopt that's not a MINI Bic.

My um, condolences?

:D

[Dean F.]

That's an engineering joke, isn't it?

An optimist sees a glass that's half full.
A pessimist sees a glass that's half empty.
An engineer sees a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

I'll never forget the formula for a Reynolds number, because:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
And r sub e equals
Rho D V over mu.

Or how about:

Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets. :o)

[Greyson Howard]

Three engineers are sitting around talking over a beer. The conversation turns to a question; what kind of engineer is God?
The mechanical engineer says, "Clearly he's a mechanical engineer, consider our muscles, our joints, the fine mechanics involved in every living thing."
The electrical engineer says, "No no no, he's definitely an electrical engineer, think about our nerves, synapses, or brains for crying out loud."
Then the civil engineer chimes in. "No he's a civil engineer," he says.
The others look at him like he's crazy. "What are you talking about," they say.
The civil engineer responds, "who else would run waste management through a recreation area?"

[Jim Colten]

Here's two more:

Attorneys send their mistakes to prison for life
Doctors bury theirs
But engineers … they build monuments to their mistakes!

Q. What's an engineer's most effective form of contraception?
A. His personality!

[George Matthews]

Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let…fifty cents.
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but..two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.

Third boxcar, midnight train
Destination…Bangor, Maine.
Old worn out suits and shoes,
I don't pay no union dues,
I smoke old stogies I have found
Short, but not too big around
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.

I know every engineer on every train
All of their children, and all of their names
And every handout in every town
And every lock that ain't locked
When no one's around.

I sing,
Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let, fifty cents
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but, two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road.

[Michael Crosby]

I have been trying to be good, but…..

Definition of a Chemical Engineer
CHEMICAL ENGINEER: n. A person who does for profit what a chemist does for fun. see also "Prostitution"

Q: What is the difference between a chemist and a chemical engineer?
A: Oh, about $10 K a year.

YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER…
If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]"

If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner

If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

If you want an 500X CD-ROM for Christmas

If Dilbert is your hero

If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes (bonus points if you have more than 6 recorded on video tape).

If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail

If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

If you window shop at Radio Shack

If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies

If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area

If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run

If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment

If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is

If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven

If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

If you own "Official Star Trek" anything

If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside

If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception

If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project

If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor

If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

If you have never backed-up your hard drive

If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud

If you truly believe aliens are living among us

If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"

If you see a good design and still have to change it

If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind

If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are

If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires

If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal

If you have more toys than your kids

If you need a checklist to turn on the TV

If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name

If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work

If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you shove up to the front to fix it

If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary

If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for

If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal

If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use

If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

If people groan at the party when you pick out the music

If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week

If you did the sound system for your senior prom

If your checkbook always balances

If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life

If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers

If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

If you spend more on your home computer than your car

If you know what http:// stands for (bonus points if you actually care)

If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio

If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage

If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

If your lap-top computer costs more than your car

If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate

[Jim Colten]

If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

Michael, I understand taping ducts but please explain this hanging coats thing.

[Jason Elsworth]

Jacques 'Jacques' Liverot: An optimist sees half a pint of milk. He says 'It is half full'. A pessimist sees half a pint of milk. He says "It is half empty". I see half a pint of milk, I say 'It is sour'.

[Author]

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