backpacking with my wife

My wife and I have been car camping, road tripping and hiking together since long before the kids…

…but she's not interested in backpacking and likely never will be.

That's perfectly OK with me.

I don't believe that one needs to share every aspect of one's life with a partner…in many cases, it's probably helpful not to.

Backpacking and climbing are my thing, my getaway, the way I recharge. My wife understands this.
She has "her" things…things she needs to do WITHOUT me. I get it.

I've certainly asked her to go out with me, but if she has no real desire to go, why would I try to force it? Pushing things upon a relationship is a recipe for disaster. I married her and relate to her as who she is, not as who I'm hoping she'll become…

We're solid and share many, many, many beautiful things with each other. Long walks in the woods with a pack are mine- she get's it, I get it, it works.

There are some good comments here about not having to do everything you enjoy with your spouse. I'm the backpacker in our family, and Mr. B will go on the occasional 2,3, or 4-day trip, but he refuses to do anything in the snow/winter, which is my favorite time to backpack. So I've had to scrounge up other takers to do the winter hikes. I've gone through the list pretty fast. I don't understand why! He understands my need to be out there year'round, and I tolerate, but don't understand at all, his obsession with the Red Sox.

I would have to say my relationship mirrors Craig's, and it's lasted 25 years (as of last Tuesday), so I guess it works. But if I thought my wife my end up loving backpacking, I'd make sure her first trip was easy, beautiful, and had a few special treats. Kind of like most trips.

I read all and agree with most. My wife is not keen on backpacking but she goes because I want her there and do many of the things already mentioned to make it more comfortable. Add to that some extra stove fuel and a shower nozzel so she can have a short warm shower in the back country before bed.

Kathleen,

lets get together! i want to backpack in winter, and my husband hates cold weather. where exactly in the PNW are you? I'm in Bellevue, WA.

cary, you are funny!

it does help to go thru the checklist of the "seven points of compatibility", but it rarely happens that way unless you are on e-harmony.com , doesn't it?

it's a weird thing.. i think if our partner was the same as us , at the end , it would be quite boring.. the opposites attract, as the saying goes. i don't think most of us fell in love on the hiking trail, so keeping this in mind helps in the moments of self-centered wishful thinking :)

elena, its not a sexist issue, i just wanted her to enjoy it as much as possible, and if carrying more gear to keep her pack weight low helps, then so be it.

anyhow to the others, i don't expect my wife to be into backpacking. i was just happy that as a present she would like to spend the time with me doing something i enjoy. to me that seems like a healthy and loving thing for her to do and i really appreciate it.

and now for all the supporters, it was a wonderful trip! i had a blast with her and would absolutely love to go with her again. she was the best hiking partner that i have been with. we had great conversations and enjoyed the scenery together. we even went for a really short swim under a waterfall, the water was really cold. she said she may be up for it again and there are a few things on the gear list she would like to change, but that's no biggie. anyhow, thanks for the support, it was the best trip i've been on so far and hope to enjoy my sport and hobby with my favorite person in the world again sometime.

Oh, cool! Elena – I am going to Brian Lewis's presentation on trekking at the Mountaineers this Wednesday evening. Can you come?

Sure, is this the address?

The Mountaineers
7700 Sand Point Way NE
Seattle, WA 98115

My tip is to lower her pack weight so there is no pain or discomfort. Make sure the terrain isn't too steep or rocky. Make sure she has an enclosed tent with a warm bag and maybe even a pillow.

I have to admit, it rankles a little to hear about all the guys catering to the little women– just a little…. My husband and I have a little of the role-reversal thing going on. I'm more into it than he is, in fact I got a solo tent so I could go out on my own if he didn't feel like going (which I did last week). So, I came back with my photos from my little trip into the Weminuche, and now he wants to go backpacking this weekend! So I take care of all the gear and food, and all he has to do is show up (and load the dog's pack). I bring really good meals, and try to plan a trip with no more than a couple thousand feet of elevation gain a day, and terrific scenery, and try to make sure he enjoys the trip so he'll want to go again. He DOES have to carry his share of the gear though.

He's a good sport, though, since part of the reason he goes is that he knows that I have more fun if he's along.

I never could get the husband (now ex-) into backpacking. As a result, it was car camping (preferably with a shower nearby) and short day hikes until we finally broke up. After that, I got into backpacking in a big way to make up for the years I'd missed. I was, at least, in time to initiate my children into the mysteries of the wilderness, and two of them still backpack.

Any beginner (regardless of sex) needs to be initiated into backpacking very gently. A bad experience in the beginning can turn anyone off!

"Any beginner (regardless of sex) needs to be initiated into backpacking very gently. A bad experience in the beginning can turn anyone off!"

Isn't that the truth! I recall in college taking a girl out winter camping. She later told me that it did not sound like fun, but she thought she should try it once just to be a good sport. Much to her surprise, she had a great time and we did a lot more of it.

I did later talk to several of her friends, who said they did not like to go winter camping — it turned out that each of them had been taken out for her first time by a guy who did not know what he was doing, and the girl had a miserable time. Small wonder there was no desire to repeat such a first time!

— MV

Elena – have you received my 2 PM's I sent this week? I was trying to discuss our meeting without taking up space on this thread. So here I am doing that very thing!

"We're solid and share many, many, many beautiful things with each other. Long walks in the woods with a pack are mine- she get's it, I get it, it works."

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