Man, I feel your pain. Sleeves are frustrating and whats worse is that they are the last seem to get sewed usually!
A rolled seam works great for most of the jacket, but unfortunately french seems are probably the best type of seam for the sleeve, especially for raveling fabric. I've done the same as you – ruin an otherwise perfect jacket by botching up a french seam… Also, I find it harder to precisely tailor the jacket to myself when using a french seam.
I think the answer is that you just need to figure out the french seam. Practice with scrap. figure out some tricks that help you get it done. I've found this workflow works well for me:
Sew the seam right side out. Tailor the jacket (sew more seams progressively closer till you get the fit you want, be sure to leave about an inch of extra room everywhere to account for finishing the seam). Trim the seam allowance to very close to the final tailored stitch, then go over it with a zigzag. Final, turn it inside out and sew 1/8-1/4 seam allowance to finish the french seam. This seam is critical, sew slowly and be precise. This should cover it, but if not, sew progressively 1/16 until the seam is fully covered from the outside. I then like to sew another stitch close to the edge to finish it off.
Hope that helps/makes sense.