Field Notes of a Family Man: How to Nurture Your Family and Your Backpacking Obsession

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To backpack more, you need capital. I don't mean cash. I mean family capital. Let's call it "adventure equity." This doesn't mean tit for tat. No saying "I'll watch the kids tonight while you go to book club if I can backpack this weekend." Support your family members unconditionally in achieving their goals, and the capital will build on its own. Here's a simple test to see if you have built enough adventure equity to go backpacking for a long weekend: When you back out of the driveway with your loaded pack in the trunk, do you feel like you're getting away with something? If you do, you haven't built the equity, and you shouldn't go. I've learned this the hard way.

Build adventure equity by seizing opportunities to contribute time and effort to your family. If your spouse wants to arrange a weekly night out with friends, no problem, offer to watch the kids. If she's on business travel and wants to stay an extra day and see the sights, don't complain. Rearrange your schedule so she can. If she's going to be home late from work, have dinner ready. If there's a plumbing leak, fix it before any nagging starts. If your son's baseball team or daughter's swim team need volunteers, help out even if it requires a lot of weekends that (cringe) could be spent backpacking.

I've recently embarked on the biggest adventure equity builder yet. My wife has gone back to graduate school. So I've taken on much more of the responsibilities at home. But it took some effort for me to see this change in our family as an opportunity. At first, I thought, oh no, there goes all my backpacking trips. But then I thought, do what needs to be done, and you never know, next summer . . . maybe the JMT.

ARTICLE OUTLINE

Earn Your Family's Support
Plan So that Getting Outdoors Happens
Include Your Family
Stake Out Big Trips
When Necessary, Bail Out Gracefully
Take What You Can Get
Plan Indoor Time
Creating Backpacking Opportunities
Live Where Backpacking is Easy
Build a Career Conducive to Backpacking
Limit Time-Intensive Activities that Intrude On Time that Could Be Spent Backpacking
Practice Lightweight Living
Convergence
Conclusion

# WORDS: 2510
# PHOTOS: 7

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May 17, 2011 at 5:01 pm #1273984

Addie Bedford
BPL Member

@addiebedford
Locale: Montana

Companion forum thread to:

Field Notes of a Family Man: How to Nurture Your Family and Your Backpacking Obsession

May 17, 2011 at 5:19 pm #1737827

colin newman
Member

@bob123
Locale: LOCH LOMOND

fantastic article and a subject never far from my mind, i often backpack and feel i sometimes push my luck with the family, although i think its just guilt on my part as the family never complains. The more i hike the more i want to do and for the past year, doing the end to end- lands end to john o'groats 60 days on the trail as well as the appalachian trail has been to the forefront of my thoughts, but i just cant see how a family man with a job can manage the time off as well as the financial side of things. Some good valid points from what seems a decent caring family man in the article, looking forward to see how other people juggle their lives and their passions.

Colin….

May 17, 2011 at 6:20 pm #1737855

Ken Helwig
BPL Member

@kennyhel77
Locale: Scotts Valley CA via San Jose, CA

Great story Jeremy! Thank you for sharing

May 18, 2011 at 1:57 am #1737982

Ismail Faruqi
Member

@ismailfaruqi

thanks for the article! I don't have any kids yet but I will always keep what you said in my mind!

May 18, 2011 at 3:35 am #1737987

Julian Watson
Member

@juleswatson

Nice article, I seem to share many of your thoughts. Such an approach also works well with MTB, flyfishing and surfing !

May 18, 2011 at 6:49 am #1738024

Ginger Allman
Member

@gindavall
Locale: Ozarks

Well said! We've come to many of the same conclusions ourselves. This article could be written about any hobby actually. Having what you want in life is all about balance. And you've done an excellent job of exploring what a balanced family life looks like!

May 18, 2011 at 8:47 am #1738066

David Chenault
BPL Member

@davec
Locale: Queen City, MT

Well written sir!

From my view as a mental health professional, it is always good to see overall family health held up as not necessarily equal to financial abundance. More time outside and less electronic babysitters correlate strongly with happier, healthier kiddos.

May 18, 2011 at 9:38 am #1738086

Addie Bedford
BPL Member

@addiebedford
Locale: Montana

I must say, I cannot get enough of the photo of your son in Yellowstone. It's so striking and evocative for me. Thanks for the article, Jeremy!

May 18, 2011 at 10:18 am #1738110

George Matthews
BPL Member

@gmatthews

Really good article. Prioritizing and balancing are often difficult for family men. We choose what is more important to us as well as the wife and kids. We must live with those decisions. Mine our both adults now and I've never regretted any of the time I spent with them when they were growing up. The same can not be said of the time spent away from them.

PS
I'm going to read Unnamed – that sounds like a good read.

May 18, 2011 at 10:35 am #1738126

Elena Lee
BPL Member

@lenchik101
Locale: Pacific Northwest (USA)

What a great article! Taking my 4.5 month old son on our first camping trip, never thought that i could be so excited about car camping! it's an adventure on its own. can't wait to share more with him.

May 18, 2011 at 10:47 am #1738132

Lucas Osborne
Member

@lukeo
Locale: Big Sky Country

Jeremy thanks for sharing your experiences and practical wisdom. I especially liked your comments on earning family support and adventure equity. You’re right on! Seems like I’m always learning the hard way too. My wife and I use the term Domestic Tranquility Index (DTI) as a measure of adventure equity, although it’s pretty hard to quantify and I’m always hovering right around zero. I’m really looking forward to getting my daughters out this summer. Thanks for the article, I’m newly inspired. Happy trails!

May 18, 2011 at 11:14 am #1738145

Kerry Rodgers
BPL Member

@klrodgers
Locale: North Texas

I especially like the discussion of "big picture life changes". My wife and I are considering what changes we could make to get ourselves and our kids more time in nature. I'm interested in what examples of "more time" careers people have done or even considered. It seems to me that the culture's ever increasing busyness has reduced the time benefit of most jobs. Has the lower-paying-but-less-time job become something of a myth? But I'm sure my point of view is very urban/suburban and IT-industry centric.

What career did you change into, Jeremy? Others?

May 18, 2011 at 1:26 pm #1738215

Jay Wilkerson
BPL Member

@creachen
Locale: East Bay

Great stuff Jeremy! When are we going hiking? I took my son to Henry Coe last week but I need a Sierra fix badly.

May 18, 2011 at 2:24 pm #1738244

alice fogel
Member

@alicebfogel

It's great to see others sharing these issues/obsessions/efforts at balancing family, work, and hiking. Even with my kids old enough to be on their own, I'd venture to say it's even harder for the mom/wife to get away, especially for long hikes of more than just a few days, than it is for the dad/husband. I find myself sometimes gazing up at those mountains with true longing. It's almost like having an affair–at least in the eyes of the spouse left at home. Sigh.

May 18, 2011 at 3:04 pm #1738256

John Westhoff
BPL Member

@johnwesthoff
Locale: Reno-Tahoe

Amen. I've been working on this balancing act since I got married almost 18 years ago. Five children later, I can tell you it's paying off. My marriage is as strong as ever and my career (I’m a physician) is solid. My oldest sons and I have two major trips planned this year, an ascent of Mt. Rainier and an eight day trip around the mountain (the Wonderland Trail). I’ve dreamed of doing both for years, and doing them with my sons will be a special treat. I’ve also waged a “re-education” campaign of sorts with my wife, one adventure at a time. It's worked! ;-) Once the kids are gone, we’re planning on taking six months to do a long trail. Being involved in scouting with my sons (I’m their scoutmaster) has also forced me to schedule the time for trips and gets us on the trail together at least once a month.

May 18, 2011 at 7:22 pm #1738365

Jeremy Pendrey
BPL Member

@pendrey
Locale: California

Thanks all for the kind words.

I agree with those who said this approach works for any hobby or passion, not just backpacking.

Addie: Thanks about the picture. It was taken just a few days before I called you in Bozeman last summer. Sorry that didn't work out for my family to meet Ryan, you, and Sam. I tried though!

Kerry: I am an attorney and for almost a decade worked at a law firm in Los Angeles, but after becoming a partner in the firm in my early 30's, I left to work for the federal government, where I have been for the past 6 years here in the SF Bay Area. It was a big change both in terms of the work I do and how my career impacts my family life.

Jay: I might be able to go backpacking the first weekend in July. Not positive yet. I'll email you once I know. I'd like to get in a Sierra hike, but we'll have to find a feasible route in light of the late snow. Let me know if that might work for you.

-Jeremy.

May 18, 2011 at 9:40 pm #1738418

Robert Gough
BPL Member

@foxmagick
Locale: New York

Thank you, so much for your really great article. You've touched on a subject that is never far from my mind. I think it's important for a person to take care of their needs in order for them to function well in a relationship whether that be with another person or in a family unit. At the same time it's important for an individual to keep in mind the needs of the people they are in a relationship with. It is truly the Ying and the Yang.

All Good Wishes

May 19, 2011 at 10:56 am #1738577

Kristin Tennessen
BPL Member

@ktenness
Locale: Bay Area

It's nice to hear tips from others who value work/life balance- makes me feel less alone as most of my social circles are career-oriented.

May 19, 2011 at 3:12 pm #1738700

Jacob D
BPL Member

@jacobd
Locale: North Bay

Great article, Jeremy. I echo you sentiments, especially on living ultralite. I have been consolidating hobbies and letting go of more and more lately. I think you are right on here. Living more simply parallels that of keeping a light and simple pack, you spend more time enjoying the scenery and less rummaging through "things".

I can't wait until the kids are ready for their first "real" trip. We take every chance to hike. Even if it's just a "hike" around the block we practice doing things like talking about the different plants and animals we saw on our hike, grumbling a little when we have to go uphill, and making sure to yell "weee" down the other side :)

This summer we are hoping to do some light mileage as a family (kids will be 3 and 5). Fingers crossed…

– Jacob

p.s. my current avatar is my little boy on his first overnight tent camping last year. He had just turned 2 at the time. The trekking pole he's holding is bigger than he is.

May 19, 2011 at 9:23 pm #1738820

Jeremy Pendrey
BPL Member

@pendrey
Locale: California

Thanks Jacob. Glad you enjoyed the article. Love your new avatar! Cute kid.

Maybe we'll see him next year at GGG4 (though that might be a bit much for him and you). People were so well behaved this year I might take my kids next year (I think the cold kept behavior in check).

-Jeremy.

May 19, 2011 at 9:38 pm #1738824

Eugene Smith
BPL Member

@eugeneius
Locale: Nuevo Mexico

Jeremy,

I'll just echo what everyone above has said, well done!

Sometimes you need to hear something at just the right time, this article was exactly what I needed.

Thanks Jeremy, quality.

May 20, 2011 at 10:15 pm #1739216

Christopher Kuzmich
Member

@obchristo2

Jeremy,
Thanks. As an avid backpacker and a father with an 18 month old and another due any day, this article is just what I needed right now.

For the powers that be- how about a family forum or backpacking with kids forum? I know I have questions.

Thanks,
Christo

May 20, 2011 at 10:24 pm #1739217

d k
BPL Member

@dkramalc

Christo –

Have you tried the Hiking with Kids forum at http://www.backpacking.net/forum/ ?

May 21, 2011 at 3:55 pm #1739395

Tom Clark
BPL Member

@tomclark
Locale: East Coast

Tonight I'll be camping under the stars (and a tarp) with my son…in the backyard! Not much of a hike, but awfully fun and nice father/son time.
Tom

May 21, 2011 at 5:43 pm #1739443

Ken Helwig
BPL Member

@kennyhel77
Locale: Scotts Valley CA via San Jose, CA

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm behaved…….Me??????????????????????
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