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Why do male adventurers not take their female partners along?


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Home Forums General Forums Philosophy & Technique Why do male adventurers not take their female partners along?

Viewing 25 posts - 76 through 100 (of 100 total)
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  • #2177796
    Brendan Hole
    Spectator

    @jeep_guy

    Locale: Frozen Tundra

    I have never really thought about the divide between genders on backpacking trips. And the caveman theory is pretty interesting which brings up some points. I guess I do feel the need to "protect" my partner more than I need to protect myself. That in it's self is odd. If I believe that I am the protector of the relationship but I am putting myself in greater harm than I would put my partner, seems a bit counterproductive. If I end up hurt or worse than that leaves my partner completely "vulnerable". Just me rambling.

    I have no doubts that my girlfriend is just as if not more capable than me in just about any subject. Feeling the need to protect her comes from loving her and not wanting any harm to come her way. It's the world we live in that concerns me.

    #2177916
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    "There is no recipe or general outline that explains everyone's particular situations; each person has their own reason and will and narrative.
    Sometimes, however, those things align and shared adventure is born!"

    Very nicely put!

    #2177967
    Billy Ray
    Spectator

    @rosyfinch

    Locale: the mountains

    Because… if you don't take them then you don't have the humiliation of having to stop to ask for directions. :)

    billy

    #2178016
    Roger Caffin
    BPL Member

    @rcaffin

    Locale: Wollemi & Kosciusko NPs, Europe

    > the humiliation of having to stop to ask for directions.
    Scene:
    In the middle of some extremely complex scarp-ridden bush-covered limited visibility plateau country where there was meant to be an old fire trail which is now totally overgrown with thick scrub.

    Male with photocopy map:
    Hum … I can't quite see where we are just yet.

    Female standing adjacent:
    Try rotating the map 90 degrees.

    Male:
    oh.

    Cheers

    #2179170
    Jonathan Chin
    BPL Member

    @jonrc

    Locale: Northwoods

    Why do less women backpack than men?

    A few thoughts:
    Socialization plays a huge roll. If not exposed to outdoor activities early, we are far less likely to internalize the "role" or view of ourselves as "someone who does those things". Sure, some people are late adopters, but they are the exception, rather than the rule. For example, what percent of women in Duluth, MN do you think would describe themselves as "campers" or "hikers? While I don't have hard data here, I'd be willing to bet it's considerably higher than the percentage of men in, say, Houston, TX.

    Second, while I don't buy the "caveman theory" as detailed above, there are several established biological/evolutionary factors that account for at least some of the variation in outdoor activities between sexes. Throughout most of human evolutionary history men have been hunters, venturing out from settlements and navigating in the wild, whereas women have been limited in range to tend to the young.

    A resulting physiological difference is in how sexes brains handle navigation. The male brain tends to navigate via an "internal compass" mechanism. If you put a male somewhere and have him move about, he will usually have a mental map that he imagine himself moving through. This contrasts how women's brains tend to handle navigation – through reference to landmarks and objects. Thus, men are better at navigating through unfamiliar terrain – such as when chasing an antelope around a valley days from "home", whereas women are better at navigating through familiar terrain, such as a village or known valley. You may notice this difference when asking for directions – men will tend to say "turn east onto Franklin Avenue" whereas women would tend to say "turn right at the gas station".

    While individually not huge, subtle differences like these can and do contribute to one's comfort with (propensity to engage in) activities like backpacking.

    Just pieces of the puzzle, I'm sure, but ones worth thinking about.

    #2179174
    Jonathan Chin
    BPL Member

    @jonrc

    Locale: Northwoods

    I have to add that my girlfriend (and most of my sisters) love backpacking! They're always excited to hit the trail or hop in the canoe. However, I've noticed that they are much less likely to initiate, plan, and lead any trips. I think, for some reason, they aren't confident in their ability to so (though surely they could).

    #2179176
    Virginia Craft
    Spectator

    @as-it-is

    Jonathan– Extremely valid points, and nice anthropological tie!

    #2179306
    D M
    BPL Member

    @farwalker

    Locale: What, ME worry?

    My husband says he'd just rather not undergo the level of suffering required to do the thru hikes……..how's THAT for a switch?
    He's a homebody and is the most awesome, supportive, levelheaded person, and pit crewed for me for the first 25 years (we've been married 35 years) of our marriage when I was endurance racing. I am soooo grateful to have him in my life. He will go hiking with me for a day or two or three but after that he wants his comforts. Then he's happy to send me my resupplies.

    #2185165
    Diane “Piper” Soini
    BPL Member

    @sbhikes

    Locale: Santa Barbara

    I think the original question was why don't adventurers take their partners with them on their more adventurous trips. I think it is because those truly adventurous ones where you are testing yourself is precisely because it's a self test. More "vision quest" than "reproduction". How can you know what you are truly capable of if you have to either tone the adventure level down to accommodate another person or else allow yourself to depend on a stronger person?

    Also, some adventures aren't so death-defying or physically challenging. I did a solo hike of the PCT, two of them actually. I loved being solo, never for a second did I wish I wasn't solo. I often would see a beautiful sunset or view and think to myself that I wished my partner could be here alone like me to see this. There was something about the aloneness that I needed and that made everything so much more special, there was something I needed to do out there by myself without anyone else.

    My partner is now working on a multi-year thru-hike and it is wonderful at times to hear him tell me about things. It's like yeah, he's finally there seeing all that stuff I wished he could see alone like me.

    #2185214
    Tim Skidmore
    Spectator

    @timskidmore

    Locale: Canadian Atlantic coast

    Oddly enough people aren't always interested in the same things.

    #2188637
    Terry Sparks
    Spectator

    @firebug

    Locale: Santa Barbara County Coast

    The joke I use, which almost isn't a joke is: When hiking with my wife, I give her a five minute head start and catch her in 30 seconds.
    It's painful to walk with someone so slow and usually hike solo anyway. This is mostly because I like the solitude I find and, if I'm hiking with a partner, I end up having to hiking their hike, not mine.

    #2195584
    Kate Magill
    BPL Member

    @lapedestrienne

    Met my husband on a long distance hike. We were both hiking solo at the time. Personality-wise, I am much more suited to fast solo packing; he has a harder time sacrificing camaraderie for higher miles, though he's plenty fast. He is also totally grossed-out by bugs and has a much greater love of showers and internet access than I do. We've always had similar taste in gear (no one had to "convert" anyone to UL) and share a fairly minimalist philosophy on and off the trail. Travel and being outdoors form the foundation of our relationship.

    My husband has only a little interest in doing solo trips. He'd much rather hike together, even though that means we're also bringing a baby and a dog and going slower than we once did. He's also very glad to have someone else (me) do the route-planning, meal-planning, gear research, etc. (All the fun stuff!) We have a 165-mile trip coming up this summer. Backpacking with a little one requires *at least* two adults to be even remotely feasible.

    Now that baby is reaching toddlerhood I'm beginning to think about doing some solo SUL-ish overnights, and leaving Dad home with baby. And of course he has the option to do the same, if he ever wants to. I totally understand the need to go out in the woods completely on one's own in order to preserve one's sanity. As an introvert I often feel family life is more of a challenge for me than for my husband, who thrives on human interaction. Though in most families it seems it's the husband/father who needs to–or gets to–"take a break," "get away for a while," etc. Mothers rarely get to even talk that way, because we're expected to be 24/7 caregivers, always on-call.

    I did not "get into" backpacking through male friends or relatives; my mom taught me my wilderness skills and it wasn't until I started doing long trips that it ever occurred that the trail might be a "man's world" or that solo female hikers would be out-of-the-ordinary. Overall I'd say hiking is less male-dominated than many sports, thank goodness, although there's still plenty of machismo.

    #2195603
    Valerie E
    Spectator

    @wildtowner

    Locale: Grand Canyon State

    Nice post, Kate.

    Scr*w standard gender role expectations; some women/men always have. I did hard-core adventure racing with pink polish on my toenails, because I like both things (who cares if someone else's definition says they aren't compatible)!

    I can never understand some people's seeming need for everyone to be sort of the same. My, my, what a boring world it would be if everyone was alike!

    I've had lots of great adventures, and taken some chances going places where many women wouldn't think to go — but that's me.

    I'm happy to see that, among the younger generations, more women are venturing outside the typical gender expectations, a trend that is partly responsible for the exponential growth of outdoor activities like hiking, backpacking, mountain biking, and climbing. More power to them. And if some young men would rather care for their children and hang out close to home, all power to them, too. Raise some happy, well-adjusted kids, whatever your gender!

    #2195640
    Lori P
    BPL Member

    @lori999

    Locale: Central Valley

    I think everyone's mileage varies.

    Most of the women I know who really backpack (versus going once in a while, taking too many clothes, ooking about bugs and dirt, and fussing about putting on/taking off makeup each day) are older than me. And I ain't 20-something.

    A lot of the younger women I've run into who are totally outdoorsy-athletic are canyoneering, rafting, climbing and white water kayaking as well as the occasional backpack or campout.

    California is full of these women. It's also got its fair share of hotel room types, or just stay at homebodies who go to Yosemite once and take a picture. We all get along, sort of, but at work, I am the intrepid explorer who can tolerate not having a restroom. With my backpacking friends, I am just another backpacker. With the mega-athletes I am a wimp.

    Call me kooky, but I just don't care about hiking from roads end to Onion Valley in a single day – give me a bear can full of food and let me do it my own speed, I'll be fine whether you're with me or not.

    #2195641
    Kattt
    BPL Member

    @kattt

    Kate, Valerie and Lori's posts ( others too but these happen to be the last 3) offer great insight and perspective . Thanks!

    #2230030
    Sean G
    Spectator

    @gnawvreau

    Locale: Detroit

    I don't have much more to add to this conversation other than that my girlfriend knows more about backpacking and the outdoors than I do. We love backpacking together. I also love going solo and she loves that I love going solo. Same goes for her.

    #2234489
    John Brewer
    BPL Member

    @jbrewer

    Locale: California Coast

    Wish my wife wanted to go. Seems like I'm the only one who wants to go so 99% of my trips are solo. :-(

    #2234494
    James Reilly
    Spectator

    @zippymorocco

    Locale: Montana

    My wife and I thru-hiked the AT together. We have also thru-hiked Trails apart. If I am not hiking with her I usually go solo. I enjoy both very much.

    #3377543
    Angie Russell
    BPL Member

    @russelltown

    My husband and I love to go backpacking together. We also take our kids (9 and 11) when it’s feasible. We  both enjoyed backpacking and the outdoors before we married, but I think I have always been more into it than him. I am the trip planner and the gear head. I like a challenge, and he just enjoys the serenity. Sometimes, he goes backpacking with other guys and leaves me with the kids. About once a year, I go on an outdoor adventure with a few girlfriends. We know men who love backpacking whose wives won’t go. And we know women who wish their husbands would get into it so they could go as a couple. I think it has very little to do with gender. It’s about personality, past experiences, values, upbringing, and fitness. IMO

    #3380425
    darrell johnson
    BPL Member

    @bombay

    Locale: in the woods

    conversely, I lost out on 14 days of my wife 195 day hike due injury, that sure was tough,

    The shared experience is the major motivation for being out there, I am aware how lucky I am for the opportunity to do that

    #3380429
    David Thomas
    BPL Member

    @davidinkenai

    Locale: North Woods. Far North.

    Following up on Jonathan’s thought: “You may notice this difference when asking for directions – men will tend to say “turn east onto Franklin Avenue” whereas women would tend to say “turn right at the gas station”.

    In my house, we call these “boy directions” and “girl directions” which I would parody as:

    “It’s at 123 Main Street” versus

    “Go like you’re going to yoga, but then, when you get to that shop with the green awning and the outdoor seating, turn right and go past the apartment building that has tulips in the flower beds in April and turn left at the Johnson’s old house – the one they lived in when their middle son was in third grade, not the other place they lived the next year, . . . ”  at which point I have gnawed off my own leg to escape out of the conversation.

    And the landmarks we use are different – hers are often based on places where things happen with people she knows.  I tend to refer to an electrical substation, the fourth traffic light, or where the road goes to 2 lanes.

    But “mapping” our environment differently does help when we get turned around or lost – she might have noticed we were in district with green grocers in it while I might recall the angle of the moon as we left our car and between those very different clues, we can get reoriented.

    #3380444
    Nick Gatel
    BPL Member

    @ngatel

    Locale: Southern California

    With both of my wives, they often suggested I stop at a gas station for directions.

    I, of course, would never do that, because I never get lost and the random driving is just to observe the neighborhoods, and who cares if we are late. Alas, she bought a car with a Nav unit in it.

    #3380450
    Jim Colten
    BPL Member

    @jcolten

    Locale: MN

    I suspect my spouse could teach David’s a thing or two about “girl directions.  I once over heard her giving directions to our home … “turn right on Larpenteur and then left at the stucco house that used to be orange”

    Our tension over asking for directions boils down to me enjoying being a little lost and the process of getting myself found again whereas she abhors it.  Made our visit to Istanbul’s Grand Bizarre an “interesting” experience.

    #3380488
    William Kerber
    BPL Member

    @wkerber

    Locale: South East US

    I believe a previous response said that you need to have similar interests to be together. I tend to agree to an extent, but not on everything. In my case, she’s not interested in spending a single night outdoors. However, she will do a 5-6 mile day hike almost every weekend. We’ve been together almost 25 years, so there must be some common interest. When we have the fire pit lit up in the backyard, she’ll watch me and ask why do you love this so much and I say “Err  Err Err” Tim the Tool Man style..

    #3382408
    Sara
    BPL Member

    @sara

    Locale: Southwestern Ontario, Canada

    I attempt to take my hubby on long distance hikes but he prefers day hikes.  I’ve enticed him to hike the Wicklow Way & Dingle Way in June with the promise of nightly hostels and Guinness. :)

    I get very annoyed when I get asked why my husband let me go travelling internationally or hiking alone.  I tell them: I’m not a caged bird and my husband is confident enough in our relationship to let me fly!

     

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