Is anyone else feeling stranded?

[Nikola Sijan]

I have found myself in the hardest period of my life, trying to balance between the things I see no exit from.
Being a fresh immigrant to Australia, I have started my life from the scratch. Coming from legal background which is not recognized here it was a hard blow to do the job I don't like with little chance to change profession in the near future since it brings much needed financial security.
On the other hand I am blessed with great family and little baby girl who turned 9 months couple of months ago.
Hiking used to be my choice of pressure relief. Not anymore. Now I often do 10-11 day work steak and go on holidays every second year to do my weeklong hike before 'go-and-see relatives and I family' cycle kicks in. Being accustomed to European mountains I find West Australian wilderness unattractive and pretty flat for my taste.
I often read and watch photos on BPL and find inspiration in them, but 2 year waiting period really drives me crazy. Turning 36 next year rings a bell that maybe the best years of my life are behind me unused to their full potential.
Finally, sorry for the rant its Sunday afternoon here and the thought of another week or more of work routine pops my dream balloon with loud bang in my head.

[Ken Thompson]

You are far from alone Nikola. How did you come to choose Australia?

[Stephen M]

I am in a similar situation to you Nikola due to the economic downturn in Europe,.

[Rick Adams]

time to focus on the family and make the best of everyday no matter what your doing. At 48, my life has focused on taking care of everybody else for a long time. Maybe, when the kids are done with school, and the business is paid for, i can actually go on a long hike, maybe.

you are in an absolutly common and normal situation for 36.

[Nick Gatel]

I have never been to Australia, but from what I have read and from the pictures I h ave seen, I would like to go.

Don't focus on the big expansive things in life. Learn of the little wild places near you. Go hike them, whether they are half day, one day, or longer hikes. I find wonderful places all over the US, places others don't see as beautiful. Focus on the little things in life that you and your family can enjoy. An ocassional dinner out, a movie, a good book, walks in the park or in the neighborhood, ride a bike around town together. Thrift stores are wonderful places to shop.

When I was a little older than you I worked a full time job, plus I owned a small home-based business, and went to school full time. I was also raising two young kids with my wife. I had a plan, and everyday I thought about the end goal. I could have felt stranded, but decided to enjoy each day. I found time to hike, and find time to spend with my family.

I live in a desert and have learned to love places that others see a baren, God forsaken places. Just need the right attitude.

36 is young, unless you let life pass you by. You don't have to let life pass you by, unless you let it.

Almost every week I am on a plane somewhere for work. Most people would not like being away from home so often. But I make it fun. I find places to hike almost every week. I have no control over where I fly, but I have a choice on what I will do with my free time once I get there.

"If you think you can, or think you can't, you are right" – Henry Ford.

If you click on by website link in my profile, you will see many posts on finding the gems in life.

[James Couch]

Nikola,

It does sound like a rough situation, but at 53 I can tell you that you still have many good years awaiting. Everyone is different, but for me, I am happier and more contented at 53 than I was at 36.

My primary outdoor pursuits are cycling and climbing. On the bike I am not quite as fast as I was at 36 (let alone in my mid 20s) but I can still keep up with most groups and enjoy it as much as I ever have. As for climbing, I can still climb at as high a standard as I ever have and have no problem keeping up with much younger partners. The experience gained in both pursuits have made them more enjoyable now than ever.

Enjoy your daughter and family. Your child (or children) will grow up faster than you can imagine. Both my daughter's are now grown. One of the greatest things about being in my 50s is that now my children are some of my best climbing and cycling partners. I regularly ride and climb with my two daughters and they are equal partners in any adventure.

Try not to despair, and keep yourself in good shape, you have many years of adventure ahead of you.

Best of luck to you, and hang in there!

[Trace Richardson]

Great feedback from everybody … awesome.

[Ian]

I think what you are feeling is normal. I'm 43 and I find that I have to take moments to reassess my life more frequently. The school year has started for my kids along with their sports. If I were to allow it, my life for the next several months would be this schedule repeated:

1 Wake up, eat breakfast, drive to work
2 Work
3 Run to pick up whichever kid needs to go to whatever sport, orchestra, etc
4 Eat Dinner
5 Sleep
6 Repeat

Weekends vary only that I'm doing some work around the house, going to hockey games, etc.

It's definitely a rut that I easily fall into and I have to keep myself accountable to not let life pass me by.

Things I do to get out of the rut.

1 Don't allow for work to be my first event of the day. Read a book, take the dogs on a three mile walk, jog, anything but SS&S/work.
2 Schedule disruptions from my routine. Lately this has been backpacking but for me it can be a fishing trip, car camping trip, visit a museum, etc
3 Our Thursday night event. While technically a "routine," most Thursday nights we have the kids pick a park. We take our BBQ and enjoy some dinner and discuss whatever is going on in our lives at that moment. Sometimes we just let the kids run. Other times, we use a Geo Caching ap and look for hidden treasure.

I recently lost a dear friend who died of a pulmonary embolism at the age of 42. This was a poignant reminder of how precious and short our time is here and to make sure not to let life pass me by.

[Mobile Calculator]

…

[BlackHatGuy]

"On the other hand I am blessed with great family and little baby girl who turned 9 months couple of months ago.
Hiking used to be my choice of pressure relief."

Every morning when you wake up, roll over and look at your wife and think of how tremendously fortunate you are to have her in your life. Do the same with your young daughter when you see her first thing in the morning. Do this consciously and deliberately. Soon you'll be taking vacations in their smiles and their laughter will wash away any pressure. All the rest is, as we say in the U.S., gravy.

To paraphrase a favorite quote: Your dreams/relief are still there if you want them to be, you just have to see that they're wrapped in beauty and hidden away between the seconds of your life.

[Ken Thompson]

I'll second Trace's comment. Awesome.

[Tim Zen]

"Turning 36 next year rings a bell that maybe the best years of my life are behind me unused to their full potential."

Personally, I think my 20s were the best years of my life, but I not giving up hope…

Buck up bud, it could be way way worse.

[Billy Ray]

I'm a few decades older than you guys. Here's my view:

This week, today, NOW is the best time of my life.

That's because I've learned that pining away about some other time being better… and/or the woulda shoulda coulda stick hole is the only true waste of time in anyone's life…

I guarantee you that some day you will look back at your thoughts of today and think, 'God, what a waste of time… if I only had the energy and abilities now that I was squandering then with the woulda shoulda coulda insanity!'

In other words: THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS! This week, today, NOW !

Bill D

[Anonymous]

This is a very good thread, am enjoying reading it and the collective wisdom found in same. Others have already said well, what i would have.

So i will just say + a trillion.

[Mark Fowler]

Western Australia is quite isolated from the rest of Australia, a bit like Alaska or Hawaii from the lower 48. If you move East you will find countryside that may be more in keeping with your aesthetic.

Family matters so try to find some short walks/picnics around Perth or the SW of WA that the family can enjoy. Most of us, while we have young family, have to postpone our dreams, just keep fit and active until your time comes – they grow up remarkably quickly.

[Stephen M]

I did not get a chance to post properly earlier, I have been away from Ireland for 5 years due to my job (3.5 years in Belgium and 1.5 in the US) I can undersatand how off putting it can be especially when away from family and friends. I learned very quickly I needed to adapt to my new environs and do what the locals do.

Have you been in touch with any bush walking groups, maybe Roger Caffin, Franco D or some of the other very informed doen under members could give you some information and some support.

[Tim Zen]

Plan B — This American Life

[Nikola Sijan]

@Ken

I have ended up here by pure chance. I met my wife who is an Australian citizen in 2007, she didn't like the life in Eastern Europe and we decided to give Western Australia a go.

[Bob Gross]

Look on the bright side.

You could have been stranded in Syria.

–B.G.–

[Randy Martin]

I have had your feeling at times. Each of us has different seasons of life. Very few that have a family are able to be completely in control of each season. I am 49 and still lack the amount of free time to pursue backpacking/climbing activities I enjoy so much. I can tell you unequivocally that any thought that you are 36 and life is passing you buy is simply not true. I am in better shape than many 20/30 year olds that I regularly pass up in the mountains. The human body is remarkably strong, resilient and enduring if you take care of it. Part of taking care of it is relaxing and enjoying the current season of your life.

[Will Inman]

I'm also in Western Australia, are you in Perth or elsewhere? I did the Cape to Cape last year (Cape Leeuwin to Cape Naturaliste) and it was absolutely stunning and only 3 hours south of Perth…

I also just completed the Bibbulmun Track (965km) on Saturday and there are some great sections of that too…

Not many mountains around here that's for sure :)

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[Richard May]

Hey Nikola, I hear you.

I'm a stay-at-home dad and it was very unexpected. At first I felt trapped by my new role and felt resentment that I wasn't "out there" working and pulling my weight financially. On the flip-side, I loved that my new job was to stay at home and help our son with his first steps and words. It was a bit schizo for a while.

It has taken time to accept my new job. I am a father, in the fullest sense of word. But it wasn't easy at first. I am a photographer. I yearn to be out, engaging the world.

Change is often difficult. The more I embrace my current reality the more outlets I discover. Since earning an income isn't entirely my responsibility I can explore art, but that does mean finding space away from my role as a father. See, there's the tension again. But it's and interesting one.

I haven't resolved all the issues. Hopefully my story can help you a bit.

Cheers,
Richard

[Sarah Kirkconnell]

Are you from Romania? Was just wondering with your name :-) My husband travels there periodically.

As for the comments on feeling the best years are behind? I don't think so. It is only that way if one lets it be that way. I turned 40 this year…and honestly, I am OK with that. I feel very comfortable in my skin, and constantly trying new things in life.

Had a friend who immigrated from New Zealand to the US, her career wasn't recognized. She started over in her late 30's, had to go back to college and get a full degree. But, 4+ years later, she was back doing what she loved. (She had been a lay midwife who worked in hospitals. in the US she had to be a nurse midwife to do that). She set her goals and tried to make the best of her life – and got a great family out of it :-)

[Nikola Sijan]

@Sara. I am ethnically a Serb born in Croatia although my name is similar to Romanian Nicolae. There are different versions of my name in Slavic culture such as Nikolai, Nicolae, Nikola, Nikolas and Nikos.

@Will. Hi there mate! Yes I must admit that Cape to Cape hike sounds pretty interesting. Having been a couple of times in Albany (Australian South West) I must say that I was dazzled by the beauty of that region. Precipitous cliffs, wild sea and endless beaches are something worth seeing. Thanks for the idea! Btw I live in Rockingham, not too far from your place :).

[peter vacco]

it's not all really that much too hot, and it's probably above freezing. you are not trapped in stalingrad awaiting death. mao is not running your country. your family has enough to eat. nobody close to you has running sores that can not heal.
i'd say you're doing, as a person, pretty darn Great !

when we consider the billions and billions of people who have lived and died over all the myriad generations, and how many of them were slaves (most), and how many were sick and had teeth pain the majority of their lives, and how may watched their children die, and how many got burried alive in the cold mud by shellfire at verdun, and how many were slaughtered by the various khan's (multiple many millions), the collectivists (more many millions), the plagues, the church (pick one ..), we will find we have lived thru pax western nirvana.

it does/will not get any better than Right Now. all will be dark soon enough.

i suspect i am spoiled rotten, and life is really not supposed to be all as long and wonderful and glorious as mine has been.
i go to bed every night telling myself that i am the luckiest man on earth.

you have food, family, and health. looking around a bit … one may find that that is quite enough.

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